- The less you write.
- So much has happened
- Yet nothing much at all
- StW had a big birthday. He is 60! I have only just begun teasing the old guy.
- I made dinner and clove cake today. J and GF joined us.
- W and D must have forgotten.
- We bought a bed. King size.
- We have been cohabiting ever since. (I'm getting my room ready for Dad.)
- The CPAP works. He doesn't snore and no more apnea.
- It is very difficult to leave a bed this comfy.
- Especially when you're depressed and anxious and cocooning.
- So much so, you're hardly online, but you're trying to hold it all together.
- (You begin to talk in the third person.)
- Lots of reading has been done in this new bed
- I'm reading 2: The Power of Now and An Irish Country Doctor
- We are currently reading Charles Dickens together
- I bought a cabinet for my bathroom at IKEA yesterday in the "as is" section.
- "As is" meant it was already assembled. Woo hoo!
- It was truly Spring this weekend
- I got my car washed
- It's really the ugliest time of year though
- The snow has melted (or most of it) but clean up hasn't begun, and nothing is growing yet
- But there's hope. And birds.
- Sallie Mae turned down my loan request. I'm tapped out I guess.
- I had to have StW cosign
- The kicker will be when D ends up in rehab instead of college.
- Or not, because he is 18 now
- And such adult behavior you never have seen!
- So that's my check in, I couldn't attend more than bullet points.
- No worries, I'll snap out of it soon, in the meantime, the reading of literature can't be a bad thing, can it?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The Less You Write...
Monday, March 31, 2008
Booked
April 14th
That's the day Dad is coming to visit, for 9 days at first. We'll see how it goes. Mom and Ger need a break and there's little else I can do from here, so I invited him to come and he's "as excited as a little kid," according to Mom.
Much more to add, but I'm giving it a rest today. These are interesting times we live in.
That's the day Dad is coming to visit, for 9 days at first. We'll see how it goes. Mom and Ger need a break and there's little else I can do from here, so I invited him to come and he's "as excited as a little kid," according to Mom.
Much more to add, but I'm giving it a rest today. These are interesting times we live in.
Survived my LAST Spring Break!
- Traffic Court Part Deux tomorrow
- Which reminds me, I need to mail in my guilty plea on my own speeding ticket in NY last week
- Signs StW really IS as nice as Mom thinks he is:
- He made dinner today
- He's listing stuff on eBay for me that I would have thrown away during my cleaning spree today and is taking bags and bags of stuff to Goodwill for me
- The house looks worse as my room looks better, he's ignoring that as the process continues
- He sat and oohed and aahed over photos, cards and scrapbooks with me today (somehow this was part of the cleaning process, so it will apparently take a bit longer than the day of toil I thought it would be)
- After I was showered and in pajamas, I had one of those "oh crap!" moments, remembering I scheduled 2 patients for tomorrow morning. He drove to my office and brought home their charts so I could call them to reschedule. (HIPAA be damned.)
- He also brought back a peanut buster with 9 thousand calories of hot fudge alone, even though we'd looked at photos earlier...photos where we were both thin and hot, both in our 20's, he along side his red Porsche convertible, me straddling a motorcycle in tight jeans and bodysuit. Youth really is wasted on the young. Ah well.
- It's over!! Spring break is finally over and it's a school night. We'll see how that goes.
- [It went fine.] It seems we're back to school night hours, not a word was said about his new adult age.
- The real test is if/when he goes to school tomorrow.
- StW is in the kitchen sterilizing his CPAP once again. Tonight I really do need to make an effort to stay in here the whole night. My room is still trashed, a dresser has been removed but clothes and boxes are all over my bed.
- It's the last day of March.
- There was just a band of coyotes warring outside. We quickly took a cat head count then turned the outside lights on to try to scare them away. What does one do? It's the freakiest sound.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Digging In
It's been a weekend!
Yesterday we shopped for the bed and found one. It will be delivered on Wednesday. J accepted the offer of the current bed, as he sleeps on a futon, so that all worked out pretty well. After errands, we stopped for an early dinner at a tiny Mexican restaurant, one we'd been to once before when it was featured on Check Please in Chicago. You can't get into the place during normal dinner hours. It washed the taste of Indian Cuisine out forever.
I spoke with BossFroc, who called from Marrakesh, to give med orders. It's great now that she (her hubby) has an International cell phone. I'll bet the food there is "interesting" too.
Disturbing was my hour long discussion with Ger last evening. Not surprisingly, his version of what transpired at the attorney's office on Friday, and more importantly, the fall out afterwards, was a little different than Mom's.
While we've always known Dad had a problem with collecting/shopping/hoarding, we (at least I) didn't know the full extent of the problem. Sure he bought everything from stamps and antiques and junk he claimed were of value to books and toys and houses and cars, but, heck, I figured he earned the money and researched the stuff (there were always catalogs laying around and he read newspapers, The Wall Street Journal, etc) and it was just another way for him to invest, which he also did in real estate and the stock market in years gone by.
But now, and at least for the last few years, for whatever reason, maybe the Perfect Storm health-wise, he buys everything, from food he shouldn't be eating to you-name-a-piece-of-crap. When I was there last week I attempted to clean out his van. The man can open a library with his books alone....except libraries don't keep old moldy books. There are bicycles everywhere. He's got "art" and toys and tools and you name it, he brings more home everyday. I threw out rotting food! It was truly mortifying.
He did turn over his credit cards last week and, as I've previously written, Mom now has the mail go to a PO box. The next step is the removal of all car keys. I will speak to his doctor when he returns from vacation on Tuesday and let him know it's time and update him on recent events. According to the legal paperwork, I am responsible for health care stuff and Ger is in charge of the financial stuff. I am going to try to take some time off in May and go help with the clean up/out process. By then D will (hopefully) be graduated and maybe he'd like to earn a few bucks filling dumpsters and listing stuff on ebay and craigslist. Surely something of value must be in the mix. If not, my Dad has squandered the family fortune he worked for, over the last couple of years. I have always thought, jokingly, that "dying broke is perfect financial planning," but when it leaves your kids to clean up literally tons of your crap, the rules change.
In the meantime, my brother is stuck cleaning out every dilapidated house they have so they are at least "broom cleaned" and put on the market in this terrible real estate economy. But it all has to go, at a loss or not, in order to pay the outstanding bills and to support them for the rest of their lives without further accumulation of debt. It was a job he never wanted, and certainly never envisioned having to do while my parents were still alive. Like J, Ger is pretty OCD, traits that stand them both well in their jobs and lives, but which make it even more difficult for them to be around such Godawful mess.
In a train wreck sort of way, it's been fascinating reading up on all this. Addiction, compulsive shopping, hoarding, OCD, and all the other mental health issues swirling around in our family cauldron actually have some things in common too, plus I've been reading about a glucose in the brain connection. My Dad's brother is a Psychiatrist. Wouldn't he have a field day with our branch?
I'm going to go clean my room.
Yesterday we shopped for the bed and found one. It will be delivered on Wednesday. J accepted the offer of the current bed, as he sleeps on a futon, so that all worked out pretty well. After errands, we stopped for an early dinner at a tiny Mexican restaurant, one we'd been to once before when it was featured on Check Please in Chicago. You can't get into the place during normal dinner hours. It washed the taste of Indian Cuisine out forever.
I spoke with BossFroc, who called from Marrakesh, to give med orders. It's great now that she (her hubby) has an International cell phone. I'll bet the food there is "interesting" too.
Disturbing was my hour long discussion with Ger last evening. Not surprisingly, his version of what transpired at the attorney's office on Friday, and more importantly, the fall out afterwards, was a little different than Mom's.
While we've always known Dad had a problem with collecting/shopping/hoarding, we (at least I) didn't know the full extent of the problem. Sure he bought everything from stamps and antiques and junk he claimed were of value to books and toys and houses and cars, but, heck, I figured he earned the money and researched the stuff (there were always catalogs laying around and he read newspapers, The Wall Street Journal, etc) and it was just another way for him to invest, which he also did in real estate and the stock market in years gone by.
But now, and at least for the last few years, for whatever reason, maybe the Perfect Storm health-wise, he buys everything, from food he shouldn't be eating to you-name-a-piece-of-crap. When I was there last week I attempted to clean out his van. The man can open a library with his books alone....except libraries don't keep old moldy books. There are bicycles everywhere. He's got "art" and toys and tools and you name it, he brings more home everyday. I threw out rotting food! It was truly mortifying.
He did turn over his credit cards last week and, as I've previously written, Mom now has the mail go to a PO box. The next step is the removal of all car keys. I will speak to his doctor when he returns from vacation on Tuesday and let him know it's time and update him on recent events. According to the legal paperwork, I am responsible for health care stuff and Ger is in charge of the financial stuff. I am going to try to take some time off in May and go help with the clean up/out process. By then D will (hopefully) be graduated and maybe he'd like to earn a few bucks filling dumpsters and listing stuff on ebay and craigslist. Surely something of value must be in the mix. If not, my Dad has squandered the family fortune he worked for, over the last couple of years. I have always thought, jokingly, that "dying broke is perfect financial planning," but when it leaves your kids to clean up literally tons of your crap, the rules change.
In the meantime, my brother is stuck cleaning out every dilapidated house they have so they are at least "broom cleaned" and put on the market in this terrible real estate economy. But it all has to go, at a loss or not, in order to pay the outstanding bills and to support them for the rest of their lives without further accumulation of debt. It was a job he never wanted, and certainly never envisioned having to do while my parents were still alive. Like J, Ger is pretty OCD, traits that stand them both well in their jobs and lives, but which make it even more difficult for them to be around such Godawful mess.
In a train wreck sort of way, it's been fascinating reading up on all this. Addiction, compulsive shopping, hoarding, OCD, and all the other mental health issues swirling around in our family cauldron actually have some things in common too, plus I've been reading about a glucose in the brain connection. My Dad's brother is a Psychiatrist. Wouldn't he have a field day with our branch?
I'm going to go clean my room.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wrapping Up The weak Week
Somehow, somewhere it must be Spring. The birds are obviously confused. They're back to waking me at the crack of dawn, each day they are joined by new voices, but they only chatter (sing?) long enough to wake me up, then the racket (songs?) stops.
The cats too, are back to wanting to go outside first thing in the morning. There are cat races going on that can't be slept through. Litter boxes remain empty as long as you drag yourself out of bed to let them out, only to have to let them back in minutes later because they're surprised it's not Spring as they remembered.
I dutifully called Mom for her birthday yesterday and got the latest rundown. Of course yesterday was also the follow up attorney day. Dad forgot her birthday for the first time in 50 years, though I know he knew about it last week as he presented her with a piece of Meissen porcelain with a happy birthday. She was less than elated. His presents are along the line of what he likes or thinks of value, not really what she might actually desire, like a watch to replace the one she lost in Europe last year.
(Somehow that reminds me, Mom told me that she just loves StW, "he's such a nice man -long pause- and you deserve it too." Whatever that means. I told him he has my parents totally bamboozled.)
Ger spent more time with them after the attorney's appointment, repairing more little things around the house, spending time. I know this because she told me she feels guilty that he's taking time off work to do things for them, like he's some college kid needing to work every hour to pay the rent, rather than a skilled craftsman, already retired with a full pension, and working at a craft he loves under terms he made. Sheesh.
It seems that Dad will be coming to visit (assuming he agrees) in a few weeks when BossFroc takes her next week long vacation. It's Mom's plan, I'm assuming she'll discuss this with Ger, to go through all Dad's paperwork at that time. Apparently not much gets accomplished with Dad hovering, and it's long past time this should have all been done.
Taking a lesson from all this, I have decided to clean out my bedroom, which has been sort of like sleeping in a storage room ever since the kitchen remodeling. I mean really, who needs a file cabinet in their bedroom?? I do not want my kids having to clean up after me to the extent we'll be cleaning up after my parents, a task that seems to be falling mostly on Ger (sorry!) because of his proximity. So while that's my goal this weekend, I've decided to go the extra mile and actually redo the room, take all the rest of my things out and and get the room ready for my Dad's visit.....which means I'm going to try to move into StW's room again. Always wishing my stay becomes permanent, his agenda for this weekend includes bed shopping. We're thinking if the bed was more comfy, bigger, better, whatever, maybe it will work out this time. Personally, I think it's about window placement and snoring, but he does need a new bed so I suppose it won't hurt to look.
Last night StW and I went out to dinner, adventurously trying out a new restaurant and cuisine at a restaurant touted to be "Chicago's best Indian Restaurant." I honestly have never had Indian cuisine and so cannot account for why I thought I didn't like Indian cuisine. Between the two of us, we got a taste of a variety of things. Like all the sushi I have tried, I can now unequivocally and without hesitation, after all, I have TASTED it, say that I do not like Indian food and will never eat it again. But, heck, at least we tried something new and actually left the house, which alone was a major accomplishment this week as I can't even describe my moods as a "funk."
D graced us with his presence long enough to grab meds, ask if I would drive him down to W's (no) and show me the blown glass pipe his on again off again GF gave him for his birthday. I'm surprised he handed it to me after the bong smashing incident of years gone by. He called and had W come pick him up and did not stay long enough to take out the trash or recyclables, which were stacked up right in front of the door and which he had to practically step over in order to leave.
So. It's sort of a weekend of chores and errands. I am on call and need to stop at the office to check messages, labs and med refills. Maybe I'll stop across the street at Borders to pick up a couple of books recommended by MM. I might as well get started on one now that I've actually started and finished one complete book in a reasonable amount of time.
Have a great weekend!
The cats too, are back to wanting to go outside first thing in the morning. There are cat races going on that can't be slept through. Litter boxes remain empty as long as you drag yourself out of bed to let them out, only to have to let them back in minutes later because they're surprised it's not Spring as they remembered.
I dutifully called Mom for her birthday yesterday and got the latest rundown. Of course yesterday was also the follow up attorney day. Dad forgot her birthday for the first time in 50 years, though I know he knew about it last week as he presented her with a piece of Meissen porcelain with a happy birthday. She was less than elated. His presents are along the line of what he likes or thinks of value, not really what she might actually desire, like a watch to replace the one she lost in Europe last year.
(Somehow that reminds me, Mom told me that she just loves StW, "he's such a nice man -long pause- and you deserve it too." Whatever that means. I told him he has my parents totally bamboozled.)
Ger spent more time with them after the attorney's appointment, repairing more little things around the house, spending time. I know this because she told me she feels guilty that he's taking time off work to do things for them, like he's some college kid needing to work every hour to pay the rent, rather than a skilled craftsman, already retired with a full pension, and working at a craft he loves under terms he made. Sheesh.
It seems that Dad will be coming to visit (assuming he agrees) in a few weeks when BossFroc takes her next week long vacation. It's Mom's plan, I'm assuming she'll discuss this with Ger, to go through all Dad's paperwork at that time. Apparently not much gets accomplished with Dad hovering, and it's long past time this should have all been done.
Taking a lesson from all this, I have decided to clean out my bedroom, which has been sort of like sleeping in a storage room ever since the kitchen remodeling. I mean really, who needs a file cabinet in their bedroom?? I do not want my kids having to clean up after me to the extent we'll be cleaning up after my parents, a task that seems to be falling mostly on Ger (sorry!) because of his proximity. So while that's my goal this weekend, I've decided to go the extra mile and actually redo the room, take all the rest of my things out and and get the room ready for my Dad's visit.....which means I'm going to try to move into StW's room again. Always wishing my stay becomes permanent, his agenda for this weekend includes bed shopping. We're thinking if the bed was more comfy, bigger, better, whatever, maybe it will work out this time. Personally, I think it's about window placement and snoring, but he does need a new bed so I suppose it won't hurt to look.
Last night StW and I went out to dinner, adventurously trying out a new restaurant and cuisine at a restaurant touted to be "Chicago's best Indian Restaurant." I honestly have never had Indian cuisine and so cannot account for why I thought I didn't like Indian cuisine. Between the two of us, we got a taste of a variety of things. Like all the sushi I have tried, I can now unequivocally and without hesitation, after all, I have TASTED it, say that I do not like Indian food and will never eat it again. But, heck, at least we tried something new and actually left the house, which alone was a major accomplishment this week as I can't even describe my moods as a "funk."
D graced us with his presence long enough to grab meds, ask if I would drive him down to W's (no) and show me the blown glass pipe his on again off again GF gave him for his birthday. I'm surprised he handed it to me after the bong smashing incident of years gone by. He called and had W come pick him up and did not stay long enough to take out the trash or recyclables, which were stacked up right in front of the door and which he had to practically step over in order to leave.
So. It's sort of a weekend of chores and errands. I am on call and need to stop at the office to check messages, labs and med refills. Maybe I'll stop across the street at Borders to pick up a couple of books recommended by MM. I might as well get started on one now that I've actually started and finished one complete book in a reasonable amount of time.
Have a great weekend!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
It's Better To Burn Out....
- Tomorrow is my mother's 71st birthday. She can still work me under the table, and probably you too.
- Tomorrow is my nephew's birthday also. Ger's 1st son. He's legal now.
- My mom is a martyr, always has been. She can't help it. She was someone's slave in another life.
- I just saw a flash that looked like D. I think he came in to get his medicine and is now gone again.
- There is still an ice cream cake in the freezer with Happy Birthday and his name on it. It hasn't even been cut into.
- I think I'm empty nesting.
- Who's have thunk it?
- Interesting article about Singulair in the news today (linked to depression, anxiety, even suicide.) Guess who's on Singulair?
- ....than to fade away.... I'm fading away. No one will notice.
- It's almost April. It's been snowing all day. At first it was too warm to stick, but once again the boughs are white and droopy.
- J swept and mopped all my floors today, emptied all the bins and baskets, and bagged up trash and recyclables. It was nice to come home from work to clean floors and the smell of Murphy's Oil.
- D ran through here with wet shoes on.
- The sadness is overwhelming at times, and I don't know where it's coming from. I've certainly gone through way worse times than these.
- Tomorrow starts a week on call while BossFroc travels to Morocco. She's not excited, she's been there before. This is an obligatory "bring your wives with you" sort of trip.
- She gave me an American Airlines gift certificate for my birthday.
- I need to go in to the office tomorrow and take sutures out of a patient's forehead, then again on Monday to take staples out of her head.
- Other than that, I am going to forward the phones to my cell phone and hope it's quiet so I can wallow in peace for a few days.
- StW is very supportive, but worried. He needn't be. It happens in cycles, likely triggered by someone else's cycles.
- Or the moon.
- I finished The Red Tent. I loved it.
G'night.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Highs and Lows
Somewhere or other I keep promising to update, but I've become really inconsistent and can't seem to drag myself in to write, though I try to keep up and read the bloggings of my friends.
I've been reading -a book even- and have enjoyed that in a way I haven't in a long time. Having airport SNAFUS that caused us to be traveling 12 hours and through North Carolina en route from Albany to Chicago, a flight that usually takes under 2 hours, helped that along.
My Dad is declining, noticeable even in the month since my last visit. There are many happy, memorable moments tucked away though, and the reconnection with my brother during the many hours we spent together was a wonderful bonus.
As a family reconnecting, lots of talks were had, lots of decisions were made, lots of plans put into action. We saw their family attorney and they will go back on Friday to read and sign everything he'll have legally drafted up by then.
On a personal note, climbing back into the womb is an awesome thing. I even felt physically better while there. I don't know if it was the bed there, being away from work, or being an adult in the presence of my parents, or having Daddy adore me and Mom turn to me, or the absence of you-know-who adding unbelievable stress to my life (I'll pick all of the above) but even my back felt better; not once was I on a heating pad.
__________
StW is having eye surgery this afternoon to cauterize some bleeders in the retina due to his Diabetes.
__________
D turned 18 on Saturday. At 12:05 AM he celebrated by buying his first legal pack of cigarettes. Presumably sometime during daylight he got his lip pierced. This is apparently the adulthood he'd been looking forward to.
__________
W is buying a new condo in Chicago.
__________
J enjoyed his break and caught up with his old friends in NY, some of whom traveled a bit to get there to see him. He spent a lot of time with A and we all got to meet her baby, now 6 months old.
__________
April will be a weird month and I'm sure I won't get to NY. BossFroc is going on vacation for 2 nonconsecutive weeks and Ethel is going out on leave to have surgery and will likely be gone about 2 months. I have hired both a Medical Assistant and a Receptionist, but that means lots of training in a very short time. I see lots of work hours in the near future, lots of on call time too.
__________
51 feels no different than 50, and inside neither feel different than 25. (If only the damn mirror and scale would lie!) Spring thus far feels no different than winter either.
Last night I finished the first season of In Treatment and wonder what they have planned, if anything, next.
Okay, an update in the can, now back to work.
__________
UPDATE:
StW's surgery went fine. The other eye gets done in two weeks.
My brother is awesome. He stepped up to the plate, made the decision to play, set boundaries, and I know HE will stick to them. He will be doing the POA thing. It'll be hard for my parents, Dad especially, at first, but I hope they'll come to accept that Ger's way of cleaning up the (financial) mess and liquidating is the right way. We were all on the same page last week, but we have a feeling that as words turn to action it won't be as easy as it sounds.
I've been reading -a book even- and have enjoyed that in a way I haven't in a long time. Having airport SNAFUS that caused us to be traveling 12 hours and through North Carolina en route from Albany to Chicago, a flight that usually takes under 2 hours, helped that along.
My Dad is declining, noticeable even in the month since my last visit. There are many happy, memorable moments tucked away though, and the reconnection with my brother during the many hours we spent together was a wonderful bonus.
As a family reconnecting, lots of talks were had, lots of decisions were made, lots of plans put into action. We saw their family attorney and they will go back on Friday to read and sign everything he'll have legally drafted up by then.
On a personal note, climbing back into the womb is an awesome thing. I even felt physically better while there. I don't know if it was the bed there, being away from work, or being an adult in the presence of my parents, or having Daddy adore me and Mom turn to me, or the absence of you-know-who adding unbelievable stress to my life (I'll pick all of the above) but even my back felt better; not once was I on a heating pad.
__________
StW is having eye surgery this afternoon to cauterize some bleeders in the retina due to his Diabetes.
__________
D turned 18 on Saturday. At 12:05 AM he celebrated by buying his first legal pack of cigarettes. Presumably sometime during daylight he got his lip pierced. This is apparently the adulthood he'd been looking forward to.
__________
W is buying a new condo in Chicago.
__________
J enjoyed his break and caught up with his old friends in NY, some of whom traveled a bit to get there to see him. He spent a lot of time with A and we all got to meet her baby, now 6 months old.
__________
April will be a weird month and I'm sure I won't get to NY. BossFroc is going on vacation for 2 nonconsecutive weeks and Ethel is going out on leave to have surgery and will likely be gone about 2 months. I have hired both a Medical Assistant and a Receptionist, but that means lots of training in a very short time. I see lots of work hours in the near future, lots of on call time too.
__________
51 feels no different than 50, and inside neither feel different than 25. (If only the damn mirror and scale would lie!) Spring thus far feels no different than winter either.
Last night I finished the first season of In Treatment and wonder what they have planned, if anything, next.
Okay, an update in the can, now back to work.
__________
UPDATE:
StW's surgery went fine. The other eye gets done in two weeks.
My brother is awesome. He stepped up to the plate, made the decision to play, set boundaries, and I know HE will stick to them. He will be doing the POA thing. It'll be hard for my parents, Dad especially, at first, but I hope they'll come to accept that Ger's way of cleaning up the (financial) mess and liquidating is the right way. We were all on the same page last week, but we have a feeling that as words turn to action it won't be as easy as it sounds.
Oh, and I may have gotten a speeding ticket while we were heading to the airport to catch a plane that never left the ground!
I'll bet J was glad I was driving!
I'll bet J was glad I was driving!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Honestly, Really, Truly
I don't want to go home tomorrow.
Happy Easter!
D turned 18 today. I wonder how he'll celebrate this "being an adult" he's been looking forward to.
Happy Easter!
D turned 18 today. I wonder how he'll celebrate this "being an adult" he's been looking forward to.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Happy Spring!
Thank you for all your birthday wishes. I can't believe you guys are checking in already. Jay and Sum sent text messages before I even woke up!
We had cake for dessert last night. Mom baked a torte and here's how she justified serving it last night instead of tonight, "well, you were born at 1:10 AM in Germany and they are 6 hours ahead of us, so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
She also makes the best lasagna, which surprised me because she didn't cook Italian food when we were growing up, it's a skill she picked up during the second set of kids. Also, who makes bad lasagna? Every box of pasta has a recipe, yet hers was different and delicious.
The rest of the evening was bittersweet. There was an awkward moment when Dad asked, J, "what's your name again?" He knew who he was though, his name just escaped him a moment.
I'm very sad to note that there are noticeable mental status changes since I was here last month, and also the toll it's taking on my mother. "Chris, you're a nurse, you UNDERSTAND Alzheimer's. I just can't understand." This is then followed by a list of inconsistent behaviors and transgressions, and blame and guilt.
I do feel like I'm walking a very fine line here. I do understand. And because I have the sweet Dad at the moment, the one who counted the days until my visit, the one who brought me books and photos and perfume and things all evening, "these are yours to keep," the one who kissed me good night last night, it's difficult not to "side" with him, not to be protective. Yet it is so obvious this is my Mom's last straw in a difficult life and she's not coping well. She needs the support too.
Time to spend quality time, more later....
We had cake for dessert last night. Mom baked a torte and here's how she justified serving it last night instead of tonight, "well, you were born at 1:10 AM in Germany and they are 6 hours ahead of us, so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
She also makes the best lasagna, which surprised me because she didn't cook Italian food when we were growing up, it's a skill she picked up during the second set of kids. Also, who makes bad lasagna? Every box of pasta has a recipe, yet hers was different and delicious.
The rest of the evening was bittersweet. There was an awkward moment when Dad asked, J, "what's your name again?" He knew who he was though, his name just escaped him a moment.
I'm very sad to note that there are noticeable mental status changes since I was here last month, and also the toll it's taking on my mother. "Chris, you're a nurse, you UNDERSTAND Alzheimer's. I just can't understand." This is then followed by a list of inconsistent behaviors and transgressions, and blame and guilt.
I do feel like I'm walking a very fine line here. I do understand. And because I have the sweet Dad at the moment, the one who counted the days until my visit, the one who brought me books and photos and perfume and things all evening, "these are yours to keep," the one who kissed me good night last night, it's difficult not to "side" with him, not to be protective. Yet it is so obvious this is my Mom's last straw in a difficult life and she's not coping well. She needs the support too.
Time to spend quality time, more later....
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Counting Down
March 18th. It was D's due date, half way between his dad's birthday and mine. He had other plans and waited 4 more days. I was concerned he'd come on my birthday, forever my birthday "present" never with his own special day. My birthday was always a weird day for my mother because it was also the anniversary of her own father's death. I always felt like apologizing to her rather than celebrating the day. I haven't packed my suitcase yet, nor had coffee, nor meds, but I am post shower, wondering if I ought to try to wake D for an attempt at getting to school ON TIME.
I have another interviewee scheduled for this morning, I wonder if this one will show up. After her, I think I'll revise the plan and hire a receptionist, someone already wants that job, and I'll be a nurse and office manager. I just haven't found a Medical Assistant with the office skills AND a doable drive to work. All who have answered the ad live out in the far away 'burbs.
The rest of the day will be spent getting ready for the trip, laundry, packing, making sure D has all his meds ready -you know, micromanaging everything so I can leave with my anxiety firmly in place. We have decided, since the flight change on Sunday, that we would all reconvene and celebrate birthdays and Easter on Sunday. Just the family and I'm sure there'll be pictures and stories of grandparents galore.
It's a gloomy rainy day, but it's okay. I heard an owl this morning, one of the less annoying birds. The rain is helping get the rest of the snow melted too, but OMG, the yard!! No worries, I'm sure D will have it all cleaned up by the time I get home.
Happy Holy week for those celebrating this most religious of weeks in the Christian calendar. Odd how far apart Easter and Passover are this year.
I have another interviewee scheduled for this morning, I wonder if this one will show up. After her, I think I'll revise the plan and hire a receptionist, someone already wants that job, and I'll be a nurse and office manager. I just haven't found a Medical Assistant with the office skills AND a doable drive to work. All who have answered the ad live out in the far away 'burbs.
The rest of the day will be spent getting ready for the trip, laundry, packing, making sure D has all his meds ready -you know, micromanaging everything so I can leave with my anxiety firmly in place. We have decided, since the flight change on Sunday, that we would all reconvene and celebrate birthdays and Easter on Sunday. Just the family and I'm sure there'll be pictures and stories of grandparents galore.
It's a gloomy rainy day, but it's okay. I heard an owl this morning, one of the less annoying birds. The rain is helping get the rest of the snow melted too, but OMG, the yard!! No worries, I'm sure D will have it all cleaned up by the time I get home.
Happy Holy week for those celebrating this most religious of weeks in the Christian calendar. Odd how far apart Easter and Passover are this year.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Dad
I told Mom she needn't take off work on Thursday as I was planning on spending the day with Dad anyway and that I'd cook dinner too so she'd get a break.
Then I told Dad that I'd like to spend my birthday with him and asked what he'd like to do. He wants to constantly go places now, yet when he gets there he's ready to leave, like searching for something, not finding it, or remembering what he was looking for, and moving on. I told him I would take him to NYC if he'd like, or to Hunter Mountain, or anywhere else he wanted to go. His assignment was to think of something he'd like to do.
He's very excited about my visit. Every day he asks Mom, "when is Christine coming?"
She tells him the 19th and he asks what day it is now, then he goes to the calendar and counts the days.
So Thursday I will spend the day with Dad. Somehow I will broach the subject, again, of his Alzheimer's, and I will ask what his wishes are. My plan is to ascertain what he'd like done in terms of eventual living arrangements, life prolonging measures, final arrangements. I need to know what his thoughts are without Mom's input, hence divide and conquer. That evening the goal is to speak to both of them, with my brother present, and get them to fill out their living wills and health care proxies.
On Friday we have an appointment with their attorney so that Mom can get POA, enabling her to sign for him. POA in hand, on Saturday we go to the post office to open a PO box and have all their mail transferred there so that Dad can no longer "misfile" bills and checks.
Possibly more difficult -it's hard to gauge his reactions these days- will be getting him to give up credit cards and car keys. I thought I wouldn't press for the car keys yet, and still may not, but Mom said he drove to the Salvation Army the other day and bought some old furniture and paid to have it delivered. Trust me, the last thing they need is furniture, let alone Salvation Army furniture. He spends money on things he has no need for. He goes to auctions, drops a load of money and won't tell Mom what he bought. Etc, etc, etc, the stories continue.
Yesterday Dad asked if StW had received his package yet. (No.) He said he'd sent him a box of books. Architectural books, "because that's what he does." I reminded him he'd asked me to bring an extra suitcase so I can bring books back, so he doesn't have to mail them. No, he was happy to do it, and has more to give me when we get there.
The package arrived today. We love books, it doesn't matter what kind of books, but only one could have possibly been defined as an architectural book. It was some history of civilization volume, which of course contains art and architecture. There were nature books, a book on cartooning, a couple of books that were stamped high school discards, a home repair book, a gardening book. Big books, all.
StW, on the other hand, is enjoying his father-in-law immensely and is sad he didn't know him 10 years ago. But then, I didn't know him 10 years ago either.
Then I told Dad that I'd like to spend my birthday with him and asked what he'd like to do. He wants to constantly go places now, yet when he gets there he's ready to leave, like searching for something, not finding it, or remembering what he was looking for, and moving on. I told him I would take him to NYC if he'd like, or to Hunter Mountain, or anywhere else he wanted to go. His assignment was to think of something he'd like to do.
He's very excited about my visit. Every day he asks Mom, "when is Christine coming?"
She tells him the 19th and he asks what day it is now, then he goes to the calendar and counts the days.
So Thursday I will spend the day with Dad. Somehow I will broach the subject, again, of his Alzheimer's, and I will ask what his wishes are. My plan is to ascertain what he'd like done in terms of eventual living arrangements, life prolonging measures, final arrangements. I need to know what his thoughts are without Mom's input, hence divide and conquer. That evening the goal is to speak to both of them, with my brother present, and get them to fill out their living wills and health care proxies.
On Friday we have an appointment with their attorney so that Mom can get POA, enabling her to sign for him. POA in hand, on Saturday we go to the post office to open a PO box and have all their mail transferred there so that Dad can no longer "misfile" bills and checks.
Possibly more difficult -it's hard to gauge his reactions these days- will be getting him to give up credit cards and car keys. I thought I wouldn't press for the car keys yet, and still may not, but Mom said he drove to the Salvation Army the other day and bought some old furniture and paid to have it delivered. Trust me, the last thing they need is furniture, let alone Salvation Army furniture. He spends money on things he has no need for. He goes to auctions, drops a load of money and won't tell Mom what he bought. Etc, etc, etc, the stories continue.
Yesterday Dad asked if StW had received his package yet. (No.) He said he'd sent him a box of books. Architectural books, "because that's what he does." I reminded him he'd asked me to bring an extra suitcase so I can bring books back, so he doesn't have to mail them. No, he was happy to do it, and has more to give me when we get there.
The package arrived today. We love books, it doesn't matter what kind of books, but only one could have possibly been defined as an architectural book. It was some history of civilization volume, which of course contains art and architecture. There were nature books, a book on cartooning, a couple of books that were stamped high school discards, a home repair book, a gardening book. Big books, all.
StW, on the other hand, is enjoying his father-in-law immensely and is sad he didn't know him 10 years ago. But then, I didn't know him 10 years ago either.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Dreams and Nightmares
I had a really weird, disconcerting, dream last night. D had no teeth. When I asked him about it, he said he'd pulled them all out. With pliers.
Of course I freaked, and said, "D, I paid all that money for your braces, why would you pull your teeth out?!"
"Chill out, they'll grow back."
"NO THEY WON'T, THOSE WERE THE SECOND SET!"
Luckily I woke up at that point.
__________
One of D's old friends (they ended up going to different high schools) stopped by to show him his new car today: a brand new BMW. That's the neighborhood we live in. Impossible to keep up with the Joneses.
__________
"We're" still working on taxes. We're sitting across the kitchen table from each other as I type; he's doing taxes and sighing a lot. I'm hiding behind the laptop screen pretending to suffer along now and then. I really hope all this is just because it's our first year filing together and doesn't become an annual event. I wonder if anyone else paid 16K+ just in normal medical bills. Last year my taxes consisted of filling out 2 pages. StW says he's filled out as many as 58!
__________
Of course I spoke to the parents (I'd love to call them the 'rents, but I'm just not that cool) today. Oy. I ended up having to add a lot more stuff to my To Do list for next week. How anyone can put me in charge of anything is beyond me. Case in point: I logged in to try to make the rental car reservation today. In order to do so, I needed to check the exact flight times. March 19th, Chicago to Albany, A-OK. March 23rd, Albany to Chicago, OMG, I booked the flight for 5:40 AM instead of PM!!! In order to change it for the cost of JUST the penalty (instead of ALSO the cost of the increased fare) I had to exchange the tickets for late morning tickets instead of the desired evening tickets. Still, for such stupidity I suppose I got "off easy." So much for Travelocity and bargain hunting.
__________
I made a delicious banana bread yesterday using an old Slovenian recipe. It wasn't dense nor dry, no door stopper, this. It was moist and very banana-y and is all gone already. Everyone wants more, but I'm not sure I'll find bananas ripe enough. If I do, I'll make a few loaves, and try them with Splenda too, to take one to NY for my Dad. Mom will never change the way she cooks just because he's Diabetic. First of all, he's ignored his Diabetes for years anyway, second of all, she claims, even if she did change the way she cooks (and bakes!) he'd just head out to the local bakery/wherever and buy junk food (which, of course he would be doing just to annoy her.)
Today I'm making meatloaf...because my meatloaf is way better than Souperman's meatloaf. (Who puts chunky taco sauce in their meatloaf?!) It's kind of fun having two cooks in a household. The head chef -ahem- can pretty much decide whether or not she feels like cooking, and also knows which meals the short order cook makes better and/or cannot be trusted with. Wait, there's something wrong with the way head chef sounds. Let's make that master chef.
Bon Appetit, and I hope your Monday doesn't completely suck.
Of course I freaked, and said, "D, I paid all that money for your braces, why would you pull your teeth out?!"
"Chill out, they'll grow back."
"NO THEY WON'T, THOSE WERE THE SECOND SET!"
Luckily I woke up at that point.
__________
One of D's old friends (they ended up going to different high schools) stopped by to show him his new car today: a brand new BMW. That's the neighborhood we live in. Impossible to keep up with the Joneses.
__________
"We're" still working on taxes. We're sitting across the kitchen table from each other as I type; he's doing taxes and sighing a lot. I'm hiding behind the laptop screen pretending to suffer along now and then. I really hope all this is just because it's our first year filing together and doesn't become an annual event. I wonder if anyone else paid 16K+ just in normal medical bills. Last year my taxes consisted of filling out 2 pages. StW says he's filled out as many as 58!
__________
Of course I spoke to the parents (I'd love to call them the 'rents, but I'm just not that cool) today. Oy. I ended up having to add a lot more stuff to my To Do list for next week. How anyone can put me in charge of anything is beyond me. Case in point: I logged in to try to make the rental car reservation today. In order to do so, I needed to check the exact flight times. March 19th, Chicago to Albany, A-OK. March 23rd, Albany to Chicago, OMG, I booked the flight for 5:40 AM instead of PM!!! In order to change it for the cost of JUST the penalty (instead of ALSO the cost of the increased fare) I had to exchange the tickets for late morning tickets instead of the desired evening tickets. Still, for such stupidity I suppose I got "off easy." So much for Travelocity and bargain hunting.
__________
I made a delicious banana bread yesterday using an old Slovenian recipe. It wasn't dense nor dry, no door stopper, this. It was moist and very banana-y and is all gone already. Everyone wants more, but I'm not sure I'll find bananas ripe enough. If I do, I'll make a few loaves, and try them with Splenda too, to take one to NY for my Dad. Mom will never change the way she cooks just because he's Diabetic. First of all, he's ignored his Diabetes for years anyway, second of all, she claims, even if she did change the way she cooks (and bakes!) he'd just head out to the local bakery/wherever and buy junk food (which, of course he would be doing just to annoy her.)
Today I'm making meatloaf...because my meatloaf is way better than Souperman's meatloaf. (Who puts chunky taco sauce in their meatloaf?!) It's kind of fun having two cooks in a household. The head chef -ahem- can pretty much decide whether or not she feels like cooking, and also knows which meals the short order cook makes better and/or cannot be trusted with. Wait, there's something wrong with the way head chef sounds. Let's make that master chef.
Bon Appetit, and I hope your Monday doesn't completely suck.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Just Checking In
The Ides of March.
Today starts the getting ready phase of our next trip to NY, which is on Wednesday. The notebook I started to document everything has many filled pages. Somehow I have managed to become the Go To person whenever something happens, however seemingly minor to me, it's a big deal to my parents.
It will be a big trip, I think. I am going with living wills, health care proxies, handicapped parking forms, and at least the intention to talk dad out of driving. I intend not to force the issue however, as his physician is not in agreement that he is in a place where he needs to have that restriction quite yet. (So maybe he needs a GPS in his car so we can find him again.)
J will be going with me. I know he needs a break and can use the getaway, even if it is with his mother to visit his grandparents. He has some friends who still live there so I'm sure he'll spend some time visiting with them. Like D during our last trip, he says he'd prefer to spend the night at Oma and Opa's house rather than at his own Dad's, who lives in the same small town.
I am anxious to see how much of a change there is in my Dad, if any, since my visit a month ago. I'm also concerned that I will not be able to make an April trip. Not only will financing monthly flights become an issue, but Ethel is having a knee replacement in April and will be away from the office for about 2 months. So far no one that has called about our Help Wanted ad has managed to show up for the interview they scheduled.
In May, if God's in his heaven and the crick don't rise, D will be graduating from High School. As of right now, the plan is for my parents to come visit us at that time. We'll see.
Speaking of my parents visiting, the house is so messy. I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that. Against my better judgment, a few months ago, I let the housekeeper go because J and GF said they would do it and could use the money. He had legal bills, she needed a car, blah, blah, blah. That lasted about 3 or 4 cleanings. I'm sure it looks easier than it is, or I'd still be doing it myself. The house is huge and inhabited mostly by slobs who don't care about hairy sinks and sticky floors, and by those who do care but are past their mopping prime.
I'm almost caught up with In Treatment on HBO. I wasn't initially sucked in the first week so I fell behind, but that changed a week or two into the series, so I went back and started watching them back to back as is my wont. LOST of course is incredibly exciting this season as questions are answered each episode, but many mysteries remain. I am so pathetic, Thursday is my favorite day of the week now. Next week's episode will be the last until the end of April, whatever will I do?!
I haven't updated because I am trying to distract myself with working the program and staying sane, with taking care of myself, rather than focusing, which usually means I'll log on just to whine or complain or obsess about D, who is acting out and very much on the radar these last few days/weeks/months. While I am not even close to whatever will be will be, I am trying very hard, sometimes succeeding.
Other thoughts: Spring definitely is in the air. The snow is still not all melted here but it's getting warmer and lighter and there are occasionally bird sounds. Retarded birds, but birds nonetheless. The cats are staying out longer (longer still when they're catnapped) and litter boxes are staying clean longer. It will be interesting to spend my first birthday in more years than I can remember with my parents. The same for Easter.
Happy weekend!
Today starts the getting ready phase of our next trip to NY, which is on Wednesday. The notebook I started to document everything has many filled pages. Somehow I have managed to become the Go To person whenever something happens, however seemingly minor to me, it's a big deal to my parents.
It will be a big trip, I think. I am going with living wills, health care proxies, handicapped parking forms, and at least the intention to talk dad out of driving. I intend not to force the issue however, as his physician is not in agreement that he is in a place where he needs to have that restriction quite yet. (So maybe he needs a GPS in his car so we can find him again.)
J will be going with me. I know he needs a break and can use the getaway, even if it is with his mother to visit his grandparents. He has some friends who still live there so I'm sure he'll spend some time visiting with them. Like D during our last trip, he says he'd prefer to spend the night at Oma and Opa's house rather than at his own Dad's, who lives in the same small town.
I am anxious to see how much of a change there is in my Dad, if any, since my visit a month ago. I'm also concerned that I will not be able to make an April trip. Not only will financing monthly flights become an issue, but Ethel is having a knee replacement in April and will be away from the office for about 2 months. So far no one that has called about our Help Wanted ad has managed to show up for the interview they scheduled.
In May, if God's in his heaven and the crick don't rise, D will be graduating from High School. As of right now, the plan is for my parents to come visit us at that time. We'll see.
Speaking of my parents visiting, the house is so messy. I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that. Against my better judgment, a few months ago, I let the housekeeper go because J and GF said they would do it and could use the money. He had legal bills, she needed a car, blah, blah, blah. That lasted about 3 or 4 cleanings. I'm sure it looks easier than it is, or I'd still be doing it myself. The house is huge and inhabited mostly by slobs who don't care about hairy sinks and sticky floors, and by those who do care but are past their mopping prime.
I'm almost caught up with In Treatment on HBO. I wasn't initially sucked in the first week so I fell behind, but that changed a week or two into the series, so I went back and started watching them back to back as is my wont. LOST of course is incredibly exciting this season as questions are answered each episode, but many mysteries remain. I am so pathetic, Thursday is my favorite day of the week now. Next week's episode will be the last until the end of April, whatever will I do?!
I haven't updated because I am trying to distract myself with working the program and staying sane, with taking care of myself, rather than focusing, which usually means I'll log on just to whine or complain or obsess about D, who is acting out and very much on the radar these last few days/weeks/months. While I am not even close to whatever will be will be, I am trying very hard, sometimes succeeding.
Other thoughts: Spring definitely is in the air. The snow is still not all melted here but it's getting warmer and lighter and there are occasionally bird sounds. Retarded birds, but birds nonetheless. The cats are staying out longer (longer still when they're catnapped) and litter boxes are staying clean longer. It will be interesting to spend my first birthday in more years than I can remember with my parents. The same for Easter.
Happy weekend!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
A Chip Off Whose Block?
W is in college majoring in Television. Yes, you read that right. You can actually major in Television, though I don't think you can get that baccalaureate degree for the "watching" of Television.
He wants to be a script writer. Somehow he has found and tapped into his long hidden sense of humor: witty or sarcastic, sometimes down right dirty, but always funny. He's called me up lately to read me his "latest" and I am usually quite impressed. He's got a great vocabulary, (this is the kid who spoke in full sentences at 15 months of age) and look out when he aims his rapier wit in your direction.
It's been interesting, flattering and fun getting these calls. They tell me he's well, focused, reasonably happy, and doing something productive. He's actually taken my "suggestion" and now uses the "f" word less often. Yes, many of today's comedians are very funny and still keep the f bomb flying, but I told him he might be even funnier with well placed, well thought out zingers than through the cheap shock value of an oft repeated vulgarity. It's working for him too, he's sort of combined the two and today's piece had me laughing out loud. A real LOL!
The reason he calls to read them to me is because we have an agreement and I do not read his MySpace where he posts these "short stories." He has it set up so that you have to be one of his (hundreds? thousands?) of friends to read anyway, so even YOU might not get past his electronic bouncer. He's gotten back in touch with old friends through MySpace and while we all know the computer can be somewhat isolating if we allow it, I don't see it as much of a problem for him yet. He gets out plenty, though I'll be glad when winter is finally over this year so he can come over and we can hang out over dinner, inside or out on the deck with a fire going. I miss him, at last, an adult son!
Anyway, I might ask if I may post an entry or two of his one of these days but not yet. I just thought I'd mention (brag) about a son who is doing well at the moment, and another writer at that (if by writer you mean someone who taps away on the computer for his own catharsis or the entertainment of others.)
Ah, tomorrow: MHW!
__________
Answers to your questions:
J does contribute to his college education. He took out his own loans, as much as he was allowed to borrow as a student, and after the first year worked too. He's still paying his, I'm still paying mine, Hex is still paying nada. DePaul is a private university, tuition was high, even based on the income of a single mom's FAFSA. But don't think I need anyone's sympathy or the hat passed. I managed then and I'll manage again. I was just venting because, well, because it's my blog and that's what it's for!
__________
And once again from the You Can't Make This Stuff Up files:
I noticed Floyd missing today. When I'm lying on the sofa with the fuzzy Peruvian blanket on me, he always jumps up, lays on me and licks the blanket awhile then falls asleep. Like he's nursing. I missed him and wondered when I'd last seen him. Yesterday. I heard a soft meowing but couldn't track it down. No one remembered seeing him since then. Unlike Fally, he's not a talker and meows very quietly. I am so attached to him, that after searching everywhere, I called the police. Sure enough, they had a cat of his description impounded! (The officer actually said they had a "mixed breed cat. He's black and white.") There's no fee (bail) for impounded cats, only dogs, so we drove over to get him without having to stop at the police station first. "Please let us know if he's not your cat." (Like I would be insane enough to pick up yet another [someone else's] cat!)
The building was dark and cold, there was one barking dog in a cage and one barely recognizable black and white cat, meowing loudly. We heard him from outside the building. He was beyond filthy and stunk to high heaven, but he sure was happy to see us. I handed Stinky right off to StW and he had 3 sink-to-sink baths when we got home, scrubbed until the water was clear. He almost didn't mind it. He's getting a collar tomorrow, as apparently they don't check for implanted micro chips.
That leaves StW and Fally as the only males in the household who haven't spent time in the Pen.
He wants to be a script writer. Somehow he has found and tapped into his long hidden sense of humor: witty or sarcastic, sometimes down right dirty, but always funny. He's called me up lately to read me his "latest" and I am usually quite impressed. He's got a great vocabulary, (this is the kid who spoke in full sentences at 15 months of age) and look out when he aims his rapier wit in your direction.
It's been interesting, flattering and fun getting these calls. They tell me he's well, focused, reasonably happy, and doing something productive. He's actually taken my "suggestion" and now uses the "f" word less often. Yes, many of today's comedians are very funny and still keep the f bomb flying, but I told him he might be even funnier with well placed, well thought out zingers than through the cheap shock value of an oft repeated vulgarity. It's working for him too, he's sort of combined the two and today's piece had me laughing out loud. A real LOL!
The reason he calls to read them to me is because we have an agreement and I do not read his MySpace where he posts these "short stories." He has it set up so that you have to be one of his (hundreds? thousands?) of friends to read anyway, so even YOU might not get past his electronic bouncer. He's gotten back in touch with old friends through MySpace and while we all know the computer can be somewhat isolating if we allow it, I don't see it as much of a problem for him yet. He gets out plenty, though I'll be glad when winter is finally over this year so he can come over and we can hang out over dinner, inside or out on the deck with a fire going. I miss him, at last, an adult son!
Anyway, I might ask if I may post an entry or two of his one of these days but not yet. I just thought I'd mention (brag) about a son who is doing well at the moment, and another writer at that (if by writer you mean someone who taps away on the computer for his own catharsis or the entertainment of others.)
Ah, tomorrow: MHW!
__________
Answers to your questions:
J does contribute to his college education. He took out his own loans, as much as he was allowed to borrow as a student, and after the first year worked too. He's still paying his, I'm still paying mine, Hex is still paying nada. DePaul is a private university, tuition was high, even based on the income of a single mom's FAFSA. But don't think I need anyone's sympathy or the hat passed. I managed then and I'll manage again. I was just venting because, well, because it's my blog and that's what it's for!
__________
And once again from the You Can't Make This Stuff Up files:
I noticed Floyd missing today. When I'm lying on the sofa with the fuzzy Peruvian blanket on me, he always jumps up, lays on me and licks the blanket awhile then falls asleep. Like he's nursing. I missed him and wondered when I'd last seen him. Yesterday. I heard a soft meowing but couldn't track it down. No one remembered seeing him since then. Unlike Fally, he's not a talker and meows very quietly. I am so attached to him, that after searching everywhere, I called the police. Sure enough, they had a cat of his description impounded! (The officer actually said they had a "mixed breed cat. He's black and white.") There's no fee (bail) for impounded cats, only dogs, so we drove over to get him without having to stop at the police station first. "Please let us know if he's not your cat." (Like I would be insane enough to pick up yet another [someone else's] cat!)
The building was dark and cold, there was one barking dog in a cage and one barely recognizable black and white cat, meowing loudly. We heard him from outside the building. He was beyond filthy and stunk to high heaven, but he sure was happy to see us. I handed Stinky right off to StW and he had 3 sink-to-sink baths when we got home, scrubbed until the water was clear. He almost didn't mind it. He's getting a collar tomorrow, as apparently they don't check for implanted micro chips.
That leaves StW and Fally as the only males in the household who haven't spent time in the Pen.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Economy In Thoughts
I'm pretty sure StW is PO'ed at me. He retired early and I haven't seen him since.
Doing taxes is very stressful. In fact, to him, just paying bills is stressful.
The economy is hard on the building industry right now. Architects are part of that.
Creditors don't care. I suppose it's a good thing people always get sick.
Filling out the Sallie Mae loan application to pay for D's schooling, while doing taxes, is stressful.
Borrowing money for a kid who doesn't seem motivated to graduate high school is frustrating at best.
Still owing money on his brother's student loans because their father didn't pay his half is deflating.
Knowing Hex won't help with D's tuition either is....so....enraging.
No FAFSA for a non accredited school, hence the Sallie Mae.
Hex bought a motorcycle with the money saved for J's college tuition.
J spent 4 years at DePaul. I will be repaying that loan as long as I live.
I need to figure out a way to pay for D's school without StW being the main borrower.
I'm pretty sure my credit will not allow me to borrow another 35k.
It was something I hadn't considered last July 4th.
Funny how you can feel more alone when married than single.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fighting the dragon is much easier some days than others.
There are days I can put my happy face on and fool most people.
Other days, like today, BossFroc calls me into a room for a chat about things like antidepressants and anxiolytics.
Ethel is leaving soon to get her knee replaced. She'll be gone about two months.
I placed an ad but have only gotten 2 calls. One is uber qualified but lives at least an hour away.
The other has over 40 years experience. Both are coming for interviews.
StW goes to the retinal specialist tomorrow morning.
I spoke with Dad's doctor today. More sadness creeping in.
Bed is calling. G'night.
Doing taxes is very stressful. In fact, to him, just paying bills is stressful.
The economy is hard on the building industry right now. Architects are part of that.
Creditors don't care. I suppose it's a good thing people always get sick.
Filling out the Sallie Mae loan application to pay for D's schooling, while doing taxes, is stressful.
Borrowing money for a kid who doesn't seem motivated to graduate high school is frustrating at best.
Still owing money on his brother's student loans because their father didn't pay his half is deflating.
Knowing Hex won't help with D's tuition either is....so....enraging.
No FAFSA for a non accredited school, hence the Sallie Mae.
Hex bought a motorcycle with the money saved for J's college tuition.
J spent 4 years at DePaul. I will be repaying that loan as long as I live.
I need to figure out a way to pay for D's school without StW being the main borrower.
I'm pretty sure my credit will not allow me to borrow another 35k.
It was something I hadn't considered last July 4th.
Funny how you can feel more alone when married than single.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fighting the dragon is much easier some days than others.
There are days I can put my happy face on and fool most people.
Other days, like today, BossFroc calls me into a room for a chat about things like antidepressants and anxiolytics.
Ethel is leaving soon to get her knee replaced. She'll be gone about two months.
I placed an ad but have only gotten 2 calls. One is uber qualified but lives at least an hour away.
The other has over 40 years experience. Both are coming for interviews.
StW goes to the retinal specialist tomorrow morning.
I spoke with Dad's doctor today. More sadness creeping in.
Bed is calling. G'night.
I just added those of you who have blogs I read here somewhere. Now I can have my hijacked toolbar back!
I had no idea some of you had already been posting here.
It's actually brightened my mood a bit, and I'm going to catch up with all of you tomorrow.
I had no idea some of you had already been posting here.
It's actually brightened my mood a bit, and I'm going to catch up with all of you tomorrow.
Oh That HOUR!
It's amazing how an hour in the Spring can make a difference. I'm exhausted and had a long nap today. I never nap (but what a great habit that would be to get into.)
StW and I spent hours on taxes today, but I have to admit that my job, since I'm not an engineer/number type person, has been much easier than his. I'm the gatherer...in my computer, in my bank account, finding medical bills and student loan payments made in 2007. I've already gathered print outs from the pharmacies we used last year. Did you know you get mileage to and from medical visits? Me neither. Just for therapy alone was 8 trips back and forth a month for me and 3 or 4 for D.
By early afternoon I started getting a bit restless, then tired. (I only feigned whiny though!) My back needed a rest from sitting and the heating pad and sofa comfort knocked me right out. Somehow I woke up in the meat locker though. The heating pad, blanket and cat stretched out on me must have contributed to my hot flash so into my room I went. Then I slept some more! Now here I am, pretty awake when I'm usually hankering for my bed. I'll be sorry in the morning.
__________
I decided to do some of my homework and have been researching Alzheimer's Disease, mostly as how it relates to the family. Strange, no matter how many patients you have, when it hits your own family, you're clueless where to begin. I guess somehow I've already begun, and I got some good ideas and resources online, even from Leeza Gibbons and Maria Shriver on Oprah. They both have parents with Alzheimer's.
I am hoping my Dad is still well enough to participate in some decision making when I get there next week. NEXT WEEK! In fact, I hope he stays well enough for a long time to come, but I am a realist...all of a sudden. The whole thing does make me so sad.
__________
Here I am, I've redecorated already. I guess I'm not feeling brown today. I liked the layout otherwise but couldn't change that border color. Maybe it'll come back one day, I do tend to do this a lot, but I also noted, quite accidentally, that "wishes" (with one s) also uses the same layout and a couple of (I hesitate to use the word "old") subscribers found her site and wondered if I was "Maria." (No.)
I only wish it were as easy to change the decor at home!
__________
It's almost Monday. Work and calls to NY doctors will keep me busy.
Tuesday I have to drive Souperman to a retinal specialist for a complete opening of his eyeball and an opinion on what to do about the Diabetic Retinopathy his ophthalmologist noticed a few weeks ago.
Wednesday morning D and I, along with this therapist, teacher and school psychologist have a brief meeting about attendance (or lack thereof) and to brainstorm about how to get him graduated.
__________
I've been invited to watch Beetlejuice with D, so off I go. It is a fun movie and we've been watching it since he was little. An invitation to share a sofa with him though, is rare indeed.
G'night.
__________
Oh goody, it's Moanday! So far I am completely unimpressed with Daylight Savings Time.
StW and I spent hours on taxes today, but I have to admit that my job, since I'm not an engineer/number type person, has been much easier than his. I'm the gatherer...in my computer, in my bank account, finding medical bills and student loan payments made in 2007. I've already gathered print outs from the pharmacies we used last year. Did you know you get mileage to and from medical visits? Me neither. Just for therapy alone was 8 trips back and forth a month for me and 3 or 4 for D.
By early afternoon I started getting a bit restless, then tired. (I only feigned whiny though!) My back needed a rest from sitting and the heating pad and sofa comfort knocked me right out. Somehow I woke up in the meat locker though. The heating pad, blanket and cat stretched out on me must have contributed to my hot flash so into my room I went. Then I slept some more! Now here I am, pretty awake when I'm usually hankering for my bed. I'll be sorry in the morning.
__________
I decided to do some of my homework and have been researching Alzheimer's Disease, mostly as how it relates to the family. Strange, no matter how many patients you have, when it hits your own family, you're clueless where to begin. I guess somehow I've already begun, and I got some good ideas and resources online, even from Leeza Gibbons and Maria Shriver on Oprah. They both have parents with Alzheimer's.
I am hoping my Dad is still well enough to participate in some decision making when I get there next week. NEXT WEEK! In fact, I hope he stays well enough for a long time to come, but I am a realist...all of a sudden. The whole thing does make me so sad.
__________
Here I am, I've redecorated already. I guess I'm not feeling brown today. I liked the layout otherwise but couldn't change that border color. Maybe it'll come back one day, I do tend to do this a lot, but I also noted, quite accidentally, that "wishes" (with one s) also uses the same layout and a couple of (I hesitate to use the word "old") subscribers found her site and wondered if I was "Maria." (No.)
I only wish it were as easy to change the decor at home!
__________
It's almost Monday. Work and calls to NY doctors will keep me busy.
Tuesday I have to drive Souperman to a retinal specialist for a complete opening of his eyeball and an opinion on what to do about the Diabetic Retinopathy his ophthalmologist noticed a few weeks ago.
Wednesday morning D and I, along with this therapist, teacher and school psychologist have a brief meeting about attendance (or lack thereof) and to brainstorm about how to get him graduated.
__________
I've been invited to watch Beetlejuice with D, so off I go. It is a fun movie and we've been watching it since he was little. An invitation to share a sofa with him though, is rare indeed.
G'night.
__________
Oh goody, it's Moanday! So far I am completely unimpressed with Daylight Savings Time.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Bullet Work
- It occurs to me I will be in NY on Easter Sunday. In fact, we'll be flying home that day. W and I always go to church together that day. I wonder if either of us will go.
- While thinking of church today, I remembered my Catholic roots. I wondered about Confession ("Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 40? 38? years since my last Confession and these are my sins." I guess I'd have to bring a very long list.) and forgiveness; about a Christian religion that wasn't Bible based. I remembered prayers I learned.
- I was lying in bed looking up through the trees at the sky tonight. It was very clear and Orion was clearly visible through the branches. When W was little we used to stare up at the stars and I would show him the constellations. We lived in rural PA where you could actually still see a sky full of stars. I found myself missing those times.
- Today I printed out Living Wills, Health Care Proxies and a Handicapped parking application for my parents.
- It was an awful, truly awful day at the office. I saw the worst throat I'd ever seen in a poor kid; lots of + flu cases (this year's vaccine didn't cover the strain everyone's got) and a dying patient and his wife. Amongst the sickies were the crabbiest patients you can imagine. I was deflated and in a down mood myself by the time I got home.
- In 10 short minutes I managed to alienate StW, J and D. I should have gone directly to my room and locked the door but it was too late.
- As I had wrath to spare, I also took it out on the mo'ron "cashier" at the Volvo dealer when we went to pick D's car up. $530 later and it still needs a new transmission. It won't go into reverse, so of course they brought it out to me and pulled it right up to another car. I went back in. The cashier was still playing Free Cell. (He's lucky he doesn't work for me.) "Won't they let you play on your MySpace here?" There was a big, sloppy, handwritten-in-magic-marker sign above his head that said, "Thank you for calling F's Volvo, this is Jeff, how may I help you?" Maybe if he weren't Free Cell champ Jeff would remember how to answer a phone without the hideous sign.
- After crying more than once of late, or thrice, if truth be told, it finally occurred to me that I haven't been taking one of my meds for over a week. What a wonderful caregiver I am, no?
- D (who is jobless but has a pittance left in his bank account) paid for his GF's tattoo today. It's her 18th birthday. GF, won't eat meat on Friday and wears ashes on Ash Wednesday. Somehow I don't see the tattoo going over well with her parents. Of course they may never see it. Whatever. Not my issue.
- D drove my car to get the tire fixed or replaced. It took them 2 hours to decide it was not fixable(!) and to try to sell him a $160 new tire. No thanks. In that two hours he managed to buy a new hat and t-shirt.
- I looked at and held a gun today. I pulled the thingie back (harder than I would have thought) to see where the bullets go (not that I put any in there!) and pointed it at a tree in the woods while looking through the thingie. (I have no idea what all the parts are called and haven't ever used or owned a gun. ) This one, which has a permit, was sort of taken into custody for safe keeping, and I'm not yet sure what to do with it.
- StW, who might soon be renamed Souperman, made French Onion soup last night that was out of this world. He even shopped for all the proper ingredients first. So European-like. While sitting on the banks of the Seine made the crock of onion soup taste heavenly, StW's recipe yesterday was every bit as good, maybe better.
- When doing next year's scheduling I am going to try to remember not to schedule work in the Spring Forward lose an hour of sleep weekend.
- I think StW and I are going to have to tackle doing our taxes today. It's Sunday. I couldn't schedule a root canal instead. I really hope my mood is better today.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Snippets UPDATED
Why am I off today? Because I have to work tomorrow morning. I was half tempted to go into the office anyway, to get ready for Monday and make it a paper day, but then reason returned and I decided to actually take advantage of a day off and take. the. day. off!
So I've run errands. This morning I wore my new flannel pajamas to drop D off at school. They are men's gray with white stripes. StW calls them my Auschwitz pajamas, and suggested perhaps I shouldn't be driving around in them, especially with a donut on the car and a flat in the trunk, in case I hit a pothole and need to call AAA or maybe he was afraid the fashion police would stop me. Me, I figured what the heck, I'm long past getting someone to change my flat through batting of lashes.
I have spent the last couple of week-day days off working on my dad's health care issues. Yesterday, via fax, I received a copy of his most recent labs and the MRI of his brain. Then I spent time on the phone with my brother, strategizing. Today I have spent considerable time on the phones with doctors and medical offices, trying to get an appointment for Dad with an Endocrinologist (unbelievably hard to find there) and when I finally lined up a few to call, they were either booking out into the next decade, or didn't accept his insurance.
Finally, some poor MD who happened to answer his own office phone because he was there doing paperwork on a day the office was closed, was held prisoner on the phone as I told my tale of woe. Much to his further misfortune, when he asked how I got his name, I was honestly able to answer that I was a nurse and we'd once had mutual patients, and he responded by taking my name, my dad's name, and asking me to call his office on Monday to "see what we can do." Trying to book a doctor's appointment, where I live, during the week of Holy Thursday and Good Friday would be no problem at all, just avoid Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, but in the Catskill Mountains of NY, it seems Easter week is a short work week. All this from this same doctor who suggested the following week might be more convenient. ("Sorry, I already have flights booked.")
Let's just keep our fingers crossed.
__________
I love the 2 back to back episodes of LOST on Thursdays. The first is really last week's episode (for those of us with attention span issues) but the bonus is the pop up crib sheets on the bottom of the screen. They give hints, refresh one's memory, and pay homage to -mostly- scientists whose names have been assigned to characters (just in case this escaped our notice). This week I also have a new dilemma: the end of the show left me almost liking Ben. One must not like Ben!! But for awhile now I've noticed his acting ability, and yesterday he actually brought a little *tiny* smile, much to my chagrin!
__________
The big news this week, for any football fan, has got to be the retirement of Brett Favre. 17 years. Green Bay must be in mourning. Everyone else likely wishes they had had him as quarterback all these years. The Bears had something like 23 quarterbacks during that time! Green Bay is our arch enemy, (the only good thing about our past season was that we beat Green Bay both games) but who doesn't love this future Hall of Famer, who STARTED EVERY SINGLE GAME FOR 17 YEARS?! If I had the opportunity I would thank Brett Favre for 17 years of excellent football.
Brian Griese went to the Buccaneers, Rex Grossman got a 3 million dollar, one year contract. (S H O O T me now.) Booker is coming back to Chicago, a few other changes were made, I'll spare you, but the second biggest news OF NOTE, was that StW does not have nfl.com bookmarked on HIS computer! Imagine! (I know he thinks I'm nuts.)
__________
Guitar Hero III is likely going to be the straw that breaks my fragile back. It isn't even the music, as anyone who has a kid playing this knows, it's the manic tapping sounds on the guitar itself. Who would have thought that could possibly be more annoying than hearing the kid try to beat the Devil on Expert for the gazillionth time? (Which he's done now, BTW.)
__________
GROUP was exceptionally great this week, raucously funny, (picture both therapists knowing all the lyrics to HAIR, then going from repeating every other verse to actually breaking into song together and singing the whole thing) and out loud laughter is always such good medicine, to very serious when we were down to business, to supportive and helpful. Every week I think I want to resign, every week I know it's one of the few really good things I do for myself. (There's a waiting list to get into Groups.)
__________
Today is cold and snowy and sunny all at once. I've already packed my coat away. It's March, the month of Spring. I am refusing to wear a coat. Most days I just look like an idjit now though, but whatever!
__________
Have I mentioned that D's post secondary school has contacted us and in spite of himself he is ready for admission as his background check, driver's license check, and high school transcripts, showing a stellar GPA of 1.95 have all passed muster (or been ignored) so the loan application is in the mail, so to speak.
Have a great weekend!
__________
PS: Dad's got the car and has been "missing" all day.
__________
Dad is home and was very happy to speak to me. We talked for about 10 minutes. StW noted afterwards that he LOVES hearing me talk to my Dad. The flip side of that is the deja vu of the old mother / daughter issues creeping in. I hate that there has to be a downside to this newfound and however-long-it-is-it won't-be-long-enough time with my Dad.
__________
NEWSFLASH!
D asked me if I'd like some oatmeal. Not really, but I said sure because I don't think HE'S ever offered to make ME anything, EVER. So he asked if I'd like it hot or cold. (Hot) Milk or water. (Milk) What flavor. (Not blueberry and no mixed ones.) So he made me some peach (instant) oatmeal, brought it to me, then made me taste his (mixed flavors in cold milk, gross.) It was so sweet though. The best part? He didn't want anything! He actually sat and chatted a few minutes, and, get this, asked me personal questions. I mean, not PERSONAL questions, just questions about things normal people would talk about. I know my excitement sounds crazy to some of you, but it was HUGE to me. In turn, I watched him play guitar hero for awhile. In fact, even StW joined us for a bit. D loves an audience.
Sometimes the littlest things make it a great day.
So I've run errands. This morning I wore my new flannel pajamas to drop D off at school. They are men's gray with white stripes. StW calls them my Auschwitz pajamas, and suggested perhaps I shouldn't be driving around in them, especially with a donut on the car and a flat in the trunk, in case I hit a pothole and need to call AAA or maybe he was afraid the fashion police would stop me. Me, I figured what the heck, I'm long past getting someone to change my flat through batting of lashes.
I have spent the last couple of week-day days off working on my dad's health care issues. Yesterday, via fax, I received a copy of his most recent labs and the MRI of his brain. Then I spent time on the phone with my brother, strategizing. Today I have spent considerable time on the phones with doctors and medical offices, trying to get an appointment for Dad with an Endocrinologist (unbelievably hard to find there) and when I finally lined up a few to call, they were either booking out into the next decade, or didn't accept his insurance.
Finally, some poor MD who happened to answer his own office phone because he was there doing paperwork on a day the office was closed, was held prisoner on the phone as I told my tale of woe. Much to his further misfortune, when he asked how I got his name, I was honestly able to answer that I was a nurse and we'd once had mutual patients, and he responded by taking my name, my dad's name, and asking me to call his office on Monday to "see what we can do." Trying to book a doctor's appointment, where I live, during the week of Holy Thursday and Good Friday would be no problem at all, just avoid Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, but in the Catskill Mountains of NY, it seems Easter week is a short work week. All this from this same doctor who suggested the following week might be more convenient. ("Sorry, I already have flights booked.")
Let's just keep our fingers crossed.
__________
I love the 2 back to back episodes of LOST on Thursdays. The first is really last week's episode (for those of us with attention span issues) but the bonus is the pop up crib sheets on the bottom of the screen. They give hints, refresh one's memory, and pay homage to -mostly- scientists whose names have been assigned to characters (just in case this escaped our notice). This week I also have a new dilemma: the end of the show left me almost liking Ben. One must not like Ben!! But for awhile now I've noticed his acting ability, and yesterday he actually brought a little *tiny* smile, much to my chagrin!
__________
The big news this week, for any football fan, has got to be the retirement of Brett Favre. 17 years. Green Bay must be in mourning. Everyone else likely wishes they had had him as quarterback all these years. The Bears had something like 23 quarterbacks during that time! Green Bay is our arch enemy, (the only good thing about our past season was that we beat Green Bay both games) but who doesn't love this future Hall of Famer, who STARTED EVERY SINGLE GAME FOR 17 YEARS?! If I had the opportunity I would thank Brett Favre for 17 years of excellent football.
Brian Griese went to the Buccaneers, Rex Grossman got a 3 million dollar, one year contract. (S H O O T me now.) Booker is coming back to Chicago, a few other changes were made, I'll spare you, but the second biggest news OF NOTE, was that StW does not have nfl.com bookmarked on HIS computer! Imagine! (I know he thinks I'm nuts.)
__________
Guitar Hero III is likely going to be the straw that breaks my fragile back. It isn't even the music, as anyone who has a kid playing this knows, it's the manic tapping sounds on the guitar itself. Who would have thought that could possibly be more annoying than hearing the kid try to beat the Devil on Expert for the gazillionth time? (Which he's done now, BTW.)
__________
GROUP was exceptionally great this week, raucously funny, (picture both therapists knowing all the lyrics to HAIR, then going from repeating every other verse to actually breaking into song together and singing the whole thing) and out loud laughter is always such good medicine, to very serious when we were down to business, to supportive and helpful. Every week I think I want to resign, every week I know it's one of the few really good things I do for myself. (There's a waiting list to get into Groups.)
__________
Today is cold and snowy and sunny all at once. I've already packed my coat away. It's March, the month of Spring. I am refusing to wear a coat. Most days I just look like an idjit now though, but whatever!
__________
Have I mentioned that D's post secondary school has contacted us and in spite of himself he is ready for admission as his background check, driver's license check, and high school transcripts, showing a stellar GPA of 1.95 have all passed muster (or been ignored) so the loan application is in the mail, so to speak.
Have a great weekend!
__________
PS: Dad's got the car and has been "missing" all day.
__________
Dad is home and was very happy to speak to me. We talked for about 10 minutes. StW noted afterwards that he LOVES hearing me talk to my Dad. The flip side of that is the deja vu of the old mother / daughter issues creeping in. I hate that there has to be a downside to this newfound and however-long-it-is-it won't-be-long-enough time with my Dad.
__________
NEWSFLASH!
D asked me if I'd like some oatmeal. Not really, but I said sure because I don't think HE'S ever offered to make ME anything, EVER. So he asked if I'd like it hot or cold. (Hot) Milk or water. (Milk) What flavor. (Not blueberry and no mixed ones.) So he made me some peach (instant) oatmeal, brought it to me, then made me taste his (mixed flavors in cold milk, gross.) It was so sweet though. The best part? He didn't want anything! He actually sat and chatted a few minutes, and, get this, asked me personal questions. I mean, not PERSONAL questions, just questions about things normal people would talk about. I know my excitement sounds crazy to some of you, but it was HUGE to me. In turn, I watched him play guitar hero for awhile. In fact, even StW joined us for a bit. D loves an audience.
Sometimes the littlest things make it a great day.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Apologies
Obviously I'm still learning this new blogging system here. I didn't realize I'd missed comments left on "older" blogs until today. I've tried to respond to them all; unfortunately if you were waiting for a response from days ago, you'll have to go back and hunt for it too. ( ! ) I promise to get better, at least to try. (Pet, shush!) I do miss the xanga system of letting one know when new comments have been posted.
Anyway, onward and upward.
Along the same lines, I am thrilled so many of you have followed me here and are reading and commenting. I've never been a "comment whore" (I hate that expression too) and don't care the slightest about the number of comments, but I do love to get thoughtful, insightful, funny comments from my friends.
That would be you guys. Thanks!
Anyway, onward and upward.
Along the same lines, I am thrilled so many of you have followed me here and are reading and commenting. I've never been a "comment whore" (I hate that expression too) and don't care the slightest about the number of comments, but I do love to get thoughtful, insightful, funny comments from my friends.
That would be you guys. Thanks!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Of Mosh Pits
Today I was, shall we say, persuaded, to allow D to borrow my car -his is in the shop, possibly irreparable- to drive to a distant city in a neighboring state to attend a concert of (multiple bands) Horrors. I was hesitant at first, but we bartered and bargained and I gave him the keys. He and his best friend left at 2:30 for a 5 PM show.
By 3:30 my phone rang. They had a flat. Two 18 year old "men" calling mom because of a flat tire?! I wondered how many flats I'd changed in my early years. At any rate, they called Triple A, had the donut put on the car and were back on their way with instructions to maybe avoid some of the potholes.
At 10 PM, the best friend called. He couldn't find D anywhere. If he left the concert to check the car, he couldn't get back in. He wanted me to call the hospitals, as ambulances had already been there twice. I wasn't alarmed though. I have come to trust the little voice in my head and it wasn't sending out adrenaline messengers.
D wasn't answering calls, nor texts. I think his cell phone was dead, a reasonable assumption as he's never off it. The venue's phone answering voice said he'd turn up after the concert and that the other kid's mom had already called. Then that mom called me to let me know her husband was driving up to distant city in neighboring state. I knew the concert would be over before he got there and let her know I wasn't overly concerned. She concurred, but her husband was just "that type" and if he heard from the boys before he got there, well then he'd turn around and drive home. Okay then.
The concert ended at 11 PM. The friend looked around as the place cleared out, then headed for the car where he found D. At 11:45 PM he called me. I spoke with D. His phone was dead. He thinks he broke a rib in the mosh pit when his chest met someone's elbow. (I'm sure he's fine.) The older I get, the less I understand mosh pits, which, in turn, makes me feel old. I like concerts. I like to sit in nice cushy, comfy chairs, assigned seating please, preferably high enough to have an unobstructed view and enjoy music without getting beaten up. (Or going deaf for that matter.) I guess I'm old fashioned that way.
"Mom, why don't you ever just trust me?" If I had a buck for every time I've heard that sentence.
__________
You guys crack me up.
By 3:30 my phone rang. They had a flat. Two 18 year old "men" calling mom because of a flat tire?! I wondered how many flats I'd changed in my early years. At any rate, they called Triple A, had the donut put on the car and were back on their way with instructions to maybe avoid some of the potholes.
At 10 PM, the best friend called. He couldn't find D anywhere. If he left the concert to check the car, he couldn't get back in. He wanted me to call the hospitals, as ambulances had already been there twice. I wasn't alarmed though. I have come to trust the little voice in my head and it wasn't sending out adrenaline messengers.
D wasn't answering calls, nor texts. I think his cell phone was dead, a reasonable assumption as he's never off it. The venue's phone answering voice said he'd turn up after the concert and that the other kid's mom had already called. Then that mom called me to let me know her husband was driving up to distant city in neighboring state. I knew the concert would be over before he got there and let her know I wasn't overly concerned. She concurred, but her husband was just "that type" and if he heard from the boys before he got there, well then he'd turn around and drive home. Okay then.
The concert ended at 11 PM. The friend looked around as the place cleared out, then headed for the car where he found D. At 11:45 PM he called me. I spoke with D. His phone was dead. He thinks he broke a rib in the mosh pit when his chest met someone's elbow. (I'm sure he's fine.) The older I get, the less I understand mosh pits, which, in turn, makes me feel old. I like concerts. I like to sit in nice cushy, comfy chairs, assigned seating please, preferably high enough to have an unobstructed view and enjoy music without getting beaten up. (Or going deaf for that matter.) I guess I'm old fashioned that way.
"Mom, why don't you ever just trust me?" If I had a buck for every time I've heard that sentence.
__________
You guys crack me up.
- Why would he need to know how to change a tire when he can just call Triple A? (He's got until he's 25 before they make him get his own account.)
- Trust me, he does not have a broken rib. He wouldn't even let me look at it when he got home some time near 2 AM. It was a lame attempt at the sympathy vote. It's worked in the past: J once got a concussion flying off the stage into the mosh pit where it seems no one thought to catch him and he landed on his head. But it doesn't work anymore with the new improved me. If you're going to act like a dumb ass, then you live with the consequences.
- This attitude works for me at least -ahem- 90% of the time.
- I love seeing solitaryman back on my blog. Who'd have thought one would miss a name?
- No, BB, I didn't change it just for you. Though you are worth it.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
A Hint Of Spring
I am way too old to be sucked into teenage girl drama, but somehow my mother and niece have managed to do that. I spoke with both of them by calling their house today after Schweetheart declined to answer her cell phone. Her grandmother initially actually tried to keep me from talking to the little darling(!) but after I promised not to yell at her, just to ensure these behaviors aren't going to continue, she put her on.
I let all this go days ago, but today D mentioned that K had texted him that night also.....to tell him she hated his mother. That would be ME. Like he needs further proof his mom sucks! All this over something I didn't do.....but she, K, was led to believe I did. (Long story of family dysfunction, perhaps to be told another day.) Anyway, hopefully it's all been taken care of....and it did serve to remind me why I have been living a long distance away for a long time now, staying out of the usual family machinations.
__________
Dad was an electrician all his life. He managed his money very well also. The light switch in the kitchen and dining room is broken and now the light in the kitchen doesn't work either. Mom finally told Dad that she cannot work in the kitchen without light. Dad finally told Mom that he cannot do it any longer and they would have to hire an electrician. She started to cry as she retold this. I'm sure it was a heartbreaking moment for both of them.
She told me yesterday that she would "keep him at home" as long as she could. -GULP- (I'm doing an excellent job of staying detached, aren't I?)
__________
I've been on call all weekend and until tomorrow evening. I'll go in to the office tomorrow though, to do paperwork and see patients if needed. Is there a lot of strep and influenza going around the rest of the country this season?
__________
StW has a pot of Caldo started. I wish you could smell it through the computer. Mmm!
I let all this go days ago, but today D mentioned that K had texted him that night also.....to tell him she hated his mother. That would be ME. Like he needs further proof his mom sucks! All this over something I didn't do.....but she, K, was led to believe I did. (Long story of family dysfunction, perhaps to be told another day.) Anyway, hopefully it's all been taken care of....and it did serve to remind me why I have been living a long distance away for a long time now, staying out of the usual family machinations.
__________
Dad was an electrician all his life. He managed his money very well also. The light switch in the kitchen and dining room is broken and now the light in the kitchen doesn't work either. Mom finally told Dad that she cannot work in the kitchen without light. Dad finally told Mom that he cannot do it any longer and they would have to hire an electrician. She started to cry as she retold this. I'm sure it was a heartbreaking moment for both of them.
She told me yesterday that she would "keep him at home" as long as she could. -GULP- (I'm doing an excellent job of staying detached, aren't I?)
__________
I've been on call all weekend and until tomorrow evening. I'll go in to the office tomorrow though, to do paperwork and see patients if needed. Is there a lot of strep and influenza going around the rest of the country this season?
__________
StW has a pot of Caldo started. I wish you could smell it through the computer. Mmm!
Saturday, March 1, 2008
March Madness
My March certainly came in like a lion. It started at 12:45 AM with a call from K, who was screeching at me until I was finally fully awake. I had to fumble for my glasses and look at my phone to register who on the other end apparently thought it was okay to call me after midnight to agitate me.
Needless to say, that isn't going to happen again. I need to have given birth to you in order for you to call me and wake me up out of a sound sleep just to bitch at me.
Needless to say, that isn't going to happen again. I need to have given birth to you in order for you to call me and wake me up out of a sound sleep just to bitch at me.
Friday, February 29, 2008
A Real Piece of Work
Happy Leap Year!
It's a work from home day as I'll be on call for the next three days, including Monday in the office. I have noted from other work from home days, that unlike my husband, I could never actually have a job working from home. I don't have the self discipline. I distract myself constantly and start and stop numerous projects at once. So much for Ritalin while at home (though it does work to quiet the noise). I guess I just need the structure of the work environment to maintain focus. With B and I both working from home, our goal today was to get all our work-work done by noon so we can run some errands and accomplish some non work-work (chores) this afternoon. Sounds like a fun day, no?
W drove up to our neck of the woods yesterday for a dentist appointment and called me at the office while he was here. As there was no way his car would be okay in our icy driveway, (and hey, more snow last night!) let alone his wheelchair, I asked if he'd like to grab a late lunch/early dinner with me. So he drove over to the office and got a table at the local Pancake House type of place and I walked over to meet him after I decided I'd had enough fun (and no more patients) at the office. (He is not happy with his brothers for the state of our driveway.)
We haven't seen much of each other this winter, he's been busy with school and his life, I've been busy working and with whatever all constitutes busy to me. We've spoken on the phone, but as I mentioned earlier, not too often. Seeing him was great, and assuaged any concerns, and confirmed my theory that men (at least in my life) just take about 30-some years to grow up. It was a really great, adult visit over the course of 2 hours. I updated him on his grandparents and he updated me on his PopPop (on his Dad's side). There was some laughter and a couple of tears. W has already lost one grandparent to Alzheimer's so I think it was hard for him to hear more about his Opa, though some of his (Dad's) more eccentric behaviors of late make more sense to him (and me) now. Of course we chatted about the rest of the family and school and friends and MySpace. (But not my space.)
Speaking of Dad, we had another nice chat on the phone today. He remembered our conversation from the other day, and even though I had gotten his official last date of work from his former employer, he actually remembered it himself. He also asked if we were still coming on the 19th and seemed to think meeting with his attorney would be a good idea. I'm not sure Mom mentioned that to him already. He was happy for the update on W and is planning to come for D's high school graduation. (We're all assuming he'll actually graduate, of course.)
One of our errands this afternoon will be a stop at the book store to pick up the assigned books. Reading them won't be nearly as challenging as absorbing them....then living them.
But I'm A Work in progress.
It's a work from home day as I'll be on call for the next three days, including Monday in the office. I have noted from other work from home days, that unlike my husband, I could never actually have a job working from home. I don't have the self discipline. I distract myself constantly and start and stop numerous projects at once. So much for Ritalin while at home (though it does work to quiet the noise). I guess I just need the structure of the work environment to maintain focus. With B and I both working from home, our goal today was to get all our work-work done by noon so we can run some errands and accomplish some non work-work (chores) this afternoon. Sounds like a fun day, no?
W drove up to our neck of the woods yesterday for a dentist appointment and called me at the office while he was here. As there was no way his car would be okay in our icy driveway, (and hey, more snow last night!) let alone his wheelchair, I asked if he'd like to grab a late lunch/early dinner with me. So he drove over to the office and got a table at the local Pancake House type of place and I walked over to meet him after I decided I'd had enough fun (and no more patients) at the office. (He is not happy with his brothers for the state of our driveway.)
We haven't seen much of each other this winter, he's been busy with school and his life, I've been busy working and with whatever all constitutes busy to me. We've spoken on the phone, but as I mentioned earlier, not too often. Seeing him was great, and assuaged any concerns, and confirmed my theory that men (at least in my life) just take about 30-some years to grow up. It was a really great, adult visit over the course of 2 hours. I updated him on his grandparents and he updated me on his PopPop (on his Dad's side). There was some laughter and a couple of tears. W has already lost one grandparent to Alzheimer's so I think it was hard for him to hear more about his Opa, though some of his (Dad's) more eccentric behaviors of late make more sense to him (and me) now. Of course we chatted about the rest of the family and school and friends and MySpace. (But not my space.)
Speaking of Dad, we had another nice chat on the phone today. He remembered our conversation from the other day, and even though I had gotten his official last date of work from his former employer, he actually remembered it himself. He also asked if we were still coming on the 19th and seemed to think meeting with his attorney would be a good idea. I'm not sure Mom mentioned that to him already. He was happy for the update on W and is planning to come for D's high school graduation. (We're all assuming he'll actually graduate, of course.)
One of our errands this afternoon will be a stop at the book store to pick up the assigned books. Reading them won't be nearly as challenging as absorbing them....then living them.
But I'm A Work in progress.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
All's Well
Group Therapy, if for no other reason, is wonderful for getting things in perspective. As if I didn't know this already, I am not the center of the universe and some people really ARE more f'ed up than me. The particular Group I'm in make me feel uber normal. Usually by the time Wednesday rolls around, it's a reminder I'm appreciative of. [Of which I'm appreciative.]
My afternoon solo session went well also, and I think I do have the parental things under control. For now. (That's my parents, not me as a parent. Huge distinction.)
I had the bonus of chatting on Skype, in between head shrinkings, with my gal pal, Pet. She knew the computer would work well for us, heck we're both on it anyway, plus I'm phone phobic so, voila, a long distance chat with no phone bill! We did lots of catching up; it's always weird to realize someone's kids are all grown up when you still remember them as children.
I love Thursdays. I allow myself an uninterrupted 2 hours of LOST, the first one a captioned enhanced (read: repeat) of last week's episode, followed by the weekly all new episode. It's better than football even. But first to make it through the last patient day of the week. I have so much left to accomplish, and the week's almost over. I'll have extra days though: I'm on call again this weekend, and it's a Leap Year!
Hey, it's light out in the mornings again!
My afternoon solo session went well also, and I think I do have the parental things under control. For now. (That's my parents, not me as a parent. Huge distinction.)
I had the bonus of chatting on Skype, in between head shrinkings, with my gal pal, Pet. She knew the computer would work well for us, heck we're both on it anyway, plus I'm phone phobic so, voila, a long distance chat with no phone bill! We did lots of catching up; it's always weird to realize someone's kids are all grown up when you still remember them as children.
I love Thursdays. I allow myself an uninterrupted 2 hours of LOST, the first one a captioned enhanced (read: repeat) of last week's episode, followed by the weekly all new episode. It's better than football even. But first to make it through the last patient day of the week. I have so much left to accomplish, and the week's almost over. I'll have extra days though: I'm on call again this weekend, and it's a Leap Year!
Hey, it's light out in the mornings again!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Boundaries? What boundaries?
FYI, none of this is complaining....
I would just like to journal the journey.
My boss thinks I have issues setting boundaries. (Good thing for her, I say.)
Yesterday I spent three and a half hours on the phone with Medicare, Cobra, BCBS, the billing office of a large NY hospital, a collection agency, my dad, three times on speaker phone to give consent for whomever to speak to me, the corporation from which he retired almost 3 years ago, and his doctor's office, twice. As one might imagine, the vast majority of time was spent on hold with Medicare, then being shuffled from one "assistant" to the next, 5 times.
My boss thinks this isn't something I should be doing, that I'm being "sucked into" being their caregiver.
My dad, obviously, couldn't do it, but seemed very thankful it was being taken care of. My mom, I don't know, it's hard to believe she can be that clueless, so she must just be really overwhelmed. My guess is it's just hard to undo 70 years of learned helplessness.
My boss said she will never bring it up again if my therapist agrees with me today. We'll see.
At any rate, all those hours spent yesterday were fruitful. The problem was a 2 year old hospital bill left unpaid. It was a coordination of benefits issue and neither BCBS (Cobra) nor Medicare wanted responsibility, and after awhile the hospital gave up and sent it to Collections. The Collection Agency put a lien on a house, and Dad just ignored the whole mess. It's all straightened out now (in case anyone needs to know this, Medicare trumps Cobra if the patient is over 65.) In 15 days the Hospital can refile the claim with Medicare and it will be paid. End of story.
How many more of these are out there though? How many to come? Should I even care? How involved should I get and who if not me?
My dad gave verbal consent numerous times yesterday, speaker phone to speaker phone, so after I was finally done on the phone, I typed out a letter of consent for him to sign, giving me permission to discuss medical and billing issues with [several practitioners and institutions]. I mailed them off to him this morning for signatures.
To be fair, I "suggested" my mom do the same.
__________
Today I discussed the whole thing with my therapist. I even brought my boss in via her concerns. (Everyone wants to be my therapist.) Thus far I think we are all on the same page.
I would just like to journal the journey.
My boss thinks I have issues setting boundaries. (Good thing for her, I say.)
Yesterday I spent three and a half hours on the phone with Medicare, Cobra, BCBS, the billing office of a large NY hospital, a collection agency, my dad, three times on speaker phone to give consent for whomever to speak to me, the corporation from which he retired almost 3 years ago, and his doctor's office, twice. As one might imagine, the vast majority of time was spent on hold with Medicare, then being shuffled from one "assistant" to the next, 5 times.
My boss thinks this isn't something I should be doing, that I'm being "sucked into" being their caregiver.
My dad, obviously, couldn't do it, but seemed very thankful it was being taken care of. My mom, I don't know, it's hard to believe she can be that clueless, so she must just be really overwhelmed. My guess is it's just hard to undo 70 years of learned helplessness.
My boss said she will never bring it up again if my therapist agrees with me today. We'll see.
At any rate, all those hours spent yesterday were fruitful. The problem was a 2 year old hospital bill left unpaid. It was a coordination of benefits issue and neither BCBS (Cobra) nor Medicare wanted responsibility, and after awhile the hospital gave up and sent it to Collections. The Collection Agency put a lien on a house, and Dad just ignored the whole mess. It's all straightened out now (in case anyone needs to know this, Medicare trumps Cobra if the patient is over 65.) In 15 days the Hospital can refile the claim with Medicare and it will be paid. End of story.
How many more of these are out there though? How many to come? Should I even care? How involved should I get and who if not me?
My dad gave verbal consent numerous times yesterday, speaker phone to speaker phone, so after I was finally done on the phone, I typed out a letter of consent for him to sign, giving me permission to discuss medical and billing issues with [several practitioners and institutions]. I mailed them off to him this morning for signatures.
To be fair, I "suggested" my mom do the same.
__________
Today I discussed the whole thing with my therapist. I even brought my boss in via her concerns. (Everyone wants to be my therapist.) Thus far I think we are all on the same page.
- I want to enjoy the time I have with my Dad, while he still knows me
- I will help them in whatever way I can FROM HERE and during visits
- I need to be extra aware of setting and sticking to boundaries....
- Which means D is almost grown (he seems to think something magical happens on the day he turns 18 next month and he will wake up an adult) and then it's my turn
- It MUST be my turn. I've never had a turn.
- That sounds very selfish to me, but as I am learning, selfish is not a word that can be applied to me and a little selfishness is exactly what I need
- Boundaries mean I cannot move to NY to care for my parents
- Boundaries mean I cannot care for my parents, as a nurse, here in my home, because my sweet Dad isn't going to stay this way and I cannot go back to the abuse of yesteryear in whatever form it takes
- Read Codependent No More. Again. Use a highlighter.
- Find and contact a Children of Alzheimers patients group and at least get some literature and/or talk to someone about what, if anything, they do as caregivers for their parent.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
MAD=MomAndDad
Years ago when my brother and I were still writing letters and sending them via snail mail, we named our parents MAD. Mom and Dad. It made for more efficient letter writing as usually we would talk (complain) about them both together.
My Dad has Alzheimer's. It's still difficult to say and type and think those words with regard to him, and when I'm talking to him, if I pretend real hard, I can even miss it still....or maybe I could if I weren't a nurse. He knows something is wrong, but he can't grasp what it is, as his executive reasoning is already gone, or certainly severely limited. I hate to admit this, but I kind of like this new Dad. I love this new Dad. He still knows me, he jokes with me on the phone, he complains about Mom's hovering in a wink-wink sort of way. He was able to report today's blood sugar to me. Each time we talk he confirms I am still coming, he asks if he should pick us up at the airport, he says he cannot wait to see me. He sends his hellos to the boys and my husband, and reminds me to bring an extra suitcase because he has a lot of books he wants to give us.
Today, however, he did something most unDad-like. He gave me numbers. We never spoke money or numbers in our household. (I think that was normal for his generation, the man took care of these things, and it was none of our business.) He gave me his doctor's name and number. He gave me his Medicare number and dates of origin. He gave me his secondary insurance name and numbers. He gave me his social security number. He either KNOWS SOMETHING IS WRONG or he thinks this was a normal conversation for us to have. Or he doesn't think about it at all.
No wait, he does think. I told him I would try to take care of some of these things for him as I thought I could manage this better than my mother. He said, "well, you know my wife, your mother. All our lives she didn't want anything to do with the finances, she didn't want to know a thing. I told her, 'one day I'm gonna be gone and then you'll wish you knew.' Now all of a sudden she is crazy about knowing this and that and doesn't know a thing about it." Of course you have to put on your German accent when you read that.
So. I think that's enough for today. Tomorrow I go see my own therapist and will discuss much of this with him and maybe get some grounding. I've already forgiven and forgotten years of abuse followed by years of no communication and am very much taken by this Dad I remember from when I was a little kid. He talked to me this way then because I couldn't understand adult. I think he talks to me this way now because he is going back in time. I am working very hard to enjoy this time too, to prolong it as much as I can, because I know in the large scheme of life it will only last a short blip of time.
My Dad has Alzheimer's. It's still difficult to say and type and think those words with regard to him, and when I'm talking to him, if I pretend real hard, I can even miss it still....or maybe I could if I weren't a nurse. He knows something is wrong, but he can't grasp what it is, as his executive reasoning is already gone, or certainly severely limited. I hate to admit this, but I kind of like this new Dad. I love this new Dad. He still knows me, he jokes with me on the phone, he complains about Mom's hovering in a wink-wink sort of way. He was able to report today's blood sugar to me. Each time we talk he confirms I am still coming, he asks if he should pick us up at the airport, he says he cannot wait to see me. He sends his hellos to the boys and my husband, and reminds me to bring an extra suitcase because he has a lot of books he wants to give us.
Today, however, he did something most unDad-like. He gave me numbers. We never spoke money or numbers in our household. (I think that was normal for his generation, the man took care of these things, and it was none of our business.) He gave me his doctor's name and number. He gave me his Medicare number and dates of origin. He gave me his secondary insurance name and numbers. He gave me his social security number. He either KNOWS SOMETHING IS WRONG or he thinks this was a normal conversation for us to have. Or he doesn't think about it at all.
No wait, he does think. I told him I would try to take care of some of these things for him as I thought I could manage this better than my mother. He said, "well, you know my wife, your mother. All our lives she didn't want anything to do with the finances, she didn't want to know a thing. I told her, 'one day I'm gonna be gone and then you'll wish you knew.' Now all of a sudden she is crazy about knowing this and that and doesn't know a thing about it." Of course you have to put on your German accent when you read that.
So. I think that's enough for today. Tomorrow I go see my own therapist and will discuss much of this with him and maybe get some grounding. I've already forgiven and forgotten years of abuse followed by years of no communication and am very much taken by this Dad I remember from when I was a little kid. He talked to me this way then because I couldn't understand adult. I think he talks to me this way now because he is going back in time. I am working very hard to enjoy this time too, to prolong it as much as I can, because I know in the large scheme of life it will only last a short blip of time.
A Case For Anxiolytics
I don't know if it's my advancing age or the anxiety disorder, but I notice I cannot go with the flow under stress anymore. I was actually in the bathroom at work yesterday crying like a little girl. Not sobbing. Just standing there, eyes red, tears streaming, feeling overwhelmed. D can't seem to get himself to school in the mornings, continuing to shoot himself in the foot, endangering graduation and his post-high school plans. I know, I know, let him make his own decisions and accept his own consequences. Yeah. Right. Sure. I. KNOW! Honestly, I've tried; I'm still trying, will continue trying but it makes me crazy.
He has an appointment with his therapist today. I've lost some respect and confidence in him (the therapist), as he made a decision (I had agreed ahead of time that D and I would abide by his decision, so sure was I that he would never side with D over something so serious, but I was wrong) a couple of weeks ago. I disagreed with this through to my core and keeping my word and living with this decision has been very difficult. Unfortunately, (fortunately?) MY therapist agreed with my POV, so while that validated my feelings, it doesn't solve the problem.
So now of course the new stressor: my parents. Having opened Pandora's box, having let them know I would help as much as I can long distance, the calls come more often, the needs are multiplying and "there's no one else who will even listen to me (mom) and take this seriously."
W and I have finally detached. I'm not sure if it was finally just time, or if there's something for me to be concerned about, but frankly, as I can't seem to cope with another thing, I am going to assume 31 is the age when men no longer need to talk regularly to their moms or vice versa. It's not like we never talk, or like there's any animosity, it's more like I don't get weekly, sometimes daily, updates on what's going on in his life anymore.
J's issues warrant their own entry at this point and of course I have been sucked in.
I'm a sponge, soaking up the misery and angst of those around me. Every time I think I am close to breaking loose, almost but not quite yet having my own life, I slip back into my old ways: aiding and care giving and comforting everyone but myself.
I think I'll go reread the Enabling chapter.
__________
Well that was so not helpful.
Since then I have been trying to talk to an actual person at a large NY Hospital's Billing Office, not happening, their voice mail started with Happy Holidays too. Not a good sign. I wonder what they're celebrating in NY today. Next call was to try to track down Cobra Information from Dad's last job, with a company that has been sold and assimilated into a huge corporation of voice mails. Now I guess I'll call Dad and see if there's anything he can help with. Maybe at least his Doctor's name. I booked my whole trip around that doctor's appointment and Mom called last night to tell me the doctor will be out of town during that time. (He was also out of town when I was there last month.)
After that I will allow myself to be aggravated by work -we've been using a new Lab and have gotten our first bill. It is fubar and if it isn't fixed with minimal aggravation, it's a deal breaker.
And so it goes.
He has an appointment with his therapist today. I've lost some respect and confidence in him (the therapist), as he made a decision (I had agreed ahead of time that D and I would abide by his decision, so sure was I that he would never side with D over something so serious, but I was wrong) a couple of weeks ago. I disagreed with this through to my core and keeping my word and living with this decision has been very difficult. Unfortunately, (fortunately?) MY therapist agreed with my POV, so while that validated my feelings, it doesn't solve the problem.
So now of course the new stressor: my parents. Having opened Pandora's box, having let them know I would help as much as I can long distance, the calls come more often, the needs are multiplying and "there's no one else who will even listen to me (mom) and take this seriously."
W and I have finally detached. I'm not sure if it was finally just time, or if there's something for me to be concerned about, but frankly, as I can't seem to cope with another thing, I am going to assume 31 is the age when men no longer need to talk regularly to their moms or vice versa. It's not like we never talk, or like there's any animosity, it's more like I don't get weekly, sometimes daily, updates on what's going on in his life anymore.
J's issues warrant their own entry at this point and of course I have been sucked in.
I'm a sponge, soaking up the misery and angst of those around me. Every time I think I am close to breaking loose, almost but not quite yet having my own life, I slip back into my old ways: aiding and care giving and comforting everyone but myself.
I think I'll go reread the Enabling chapter.
__________
Well that was so not helpful.
Since then I have been trying to talk to an actual person at a large NY Hospital's Billing Office, not happening, their voice mail started with Happy Holidays too. Not a good sign. I wonder what they're celebrating in NY today. Next call was to try to track down Cobra Information from Dad's last job, with a company that has been sold and assimilated into a huge corporation of voice mails. Now I guess I'll call Dad and see if there's anything he can help with. Maybe at least his Doctor's name. I booked my whole trip around that doctor's appointment and Mom called last night to tell me the doctor will be out of town during that time. (He was also out of town when I was there last month.)
After that I will allow myself to be aggravated by work -we've been using a new Lab and have gotten our first bill. It is fubar and if it isn't fixed with minimal aggravation, it's a deal breaker.
And so it goes.
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Oscars
I can't believe I go to the movies so seldom that I have not only not seen any of the nominated movies, I'm pretty sure I haven't heard of most of them either. Ditto for the actors and actresses. I did watch most of the show anyway though. I was disappointed with Jon Stewart as host, but did have fun critiquing the dresses and hair, along with the rest of the world, while in my pajamas from the comfort of my sofa.
Okay, those were the worst Oscars ever!
Monday! Bleh.
Okay, those were the worst Oscars ever!
Monday! Bleh.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Epic Saga Begins
This could be a long day of blog dumping. I'm still on call but off work otherwise, and right now it's still quiet around the house (D slept out) and I have so many thoughts rolling around my head.
Yesterday I texted my therapist: Remind me again (and again and again) why I cannot become my parents' caregiver, please.
I spoke with my brother. He has promised to come over while I am there this time. I'm afraid his agenda is a bit different though. He still has so much anger. Maybe he'll always have it. I think I have convinced him that Dad's issues really are medical, he's known about the Diabetes and seems to be accepting the Alzheimer's diagnosis, so he's transferred his anger more towards Mom. I think he's intrigued by the closure I was able to attain during my last visit and would probably like that for himself too, and I hope he can get it, but he doesn't realize the work it took for me to get to that point.
I've decided to start a Parental Notebook as I'm not the most organized person in the world either.
Thus far I've
To continue...
My dad didn't know what Alzheimer's was. I fear I have missed the boat talking "reason" to him, with regard to finances and POA. I noticed he listens intently and responds as though he understands, but he cannot follow through. High level functioning seems to have gone before I got to see him. His lame [ass] attorney told me he didn't need a letter from his doctor (I offered to get one to prove his diagnosis) but that he would instead have an "aging" discussion with both my parents, and have them, essentially, give each other POA. Even though Mom's would be filed and not used she balked. (OMG, what if she's nuts too?)
To add to the whole mess, none of US (their children) know anything about their finances as that has never been any of our business (nor my mother's either for that matter) and I cannot imagine that changing during any possible discussions next month. Still, my brother and I are going to give it a shot, under the guise of helping them BOTH plan for their old age. I'm not real hopeful, not because of my normal cynicism, but because I truly do think my Dad will be unable to grasp what we're saying. If Mom and I have to go to the attorney's (just so I can sock him in the mouth) I'm prepared to do that too. I must make the most of my 4 days there after all.
__________
Oscars tonight.
Yesterday I texted my therapist: Remind me again (and again and again) why I cannot become my parents' caregiver, please.
I spoke with my brother. He has promised to come over while I am there this time. I'm afraid his agenda is a bit different though. He still has so much anger. Maybe he'll always have it. I think I have convinced him that Dad's issues really are medical, he's known about the Diabetes and seems to be accepting the Alzheimer's diagnosis, so he's transferred his anger more towards Mom. I think he's intrigued by the closure I was able to attain during my last visit and would probably like that for himself too, and I hope he can get it, but he doesn't realize the work it took for me to get to that point.
I've decided to start a Parental Notebook as I'm not the most organized person in the world either.
Thus far I've
- spoken to Dad's travel agent and practically had to threaten her before she agreed she would book no more solo flights for him to Germany. The compromise was that she would call the family if he tried to do so.
- spoken to MAD's (Mom and Dad) attorney, LIFELONG attorney, who I took an immediate disliking to on the telephone.
- bought a glucometer and taught at least Mom how to take Dad's blood glucose and document them for our visit to the doctor. Based on the readings so far, he will need to go on insulin. I have no idea how (or by whom) that is going to be managed.
To continue...
My dad didn't know what Alzheimer's was. I fear I have missed the boat talking "reason" to him, with regard to finances and POA. I noticed he listens intently and responds as though he understands, but he cannot follow through. High level functioning seems to have gone before I got to see him. His lame [ass] attorney told me he didn't need a letter from his doctor (I offered to get one to prove his diagnosis) but that he would instead have an "aging" discussion with both my parents, and have them, essentially, give each other POA. Even though Mom's would be filed and not used she balked. (OMG, what if she's nuts too?)
To add to the whole mess, none of US (their children) know anything about their finances as that has never been any of our business (nor my mother's either for that matter) and I cannot imagine that changing during any possible discussions next month. Still, my brother and I are going to give it a shot, under the guise of helping them BOTH plan for their old age. I'm not real hopeful, not because of my normal cynicism, but because I truly do think my Dad will be unable to grasp what we're saying. If Mom and I have to go to the attorney's (just so I can sock him in the mouth) I'm prepared to do that too. I must make the most of my 4 days there after all.
__________
Oscars tonight.
Who Is This Kid?
Yesterday evening the doorbell rang. I met the father of one of D's friends. His daughter is missing and he wanted a word with the boys to see if they had any ideas about where she might be, but first he wanted to talk with me. He said she'd been using c0caine, then went on to tell of the nightmare this has been for their family. This is the second time she has disappeared. She is a high school junior.
I met an unknown D when he came out to speak to this parent. He was polite, respectful and as helpful as he could be, considering he didn't know where she was. He offered to make phone calls to mutual friends and took the father's phone number, then followed through. It was a D I've heard rumors about from teachers and other authority figures, but one I didn't realize resided here on the premises. Though the circumstances were difficult, the feeling of pride in him was most welcome as it's been all too rare of late.
It didn't stop me from drug testing him later though. As my brother says, "I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night."
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I feel a bit of a blog site traitor, but the other site has changed and added too many of the bells and whistles of MySpace, Facebook, et al, perhaps to remain competitive. Plus, this allows me to start again, right where I left off, with a renewed sense of [faux] privacy, while still typing online and [eventually] inviting trusted readers to stop by.
I met an unknown D when he came out to speak to this parent. He was polite, respectful and as helpful as he could be, considering he didn't know where she was. He offered to make phone calls to mutual friends and took the father's phone number, then followed through. It was a D I've heard rumors about from teachers and other authority figures, but one I didn't realize resided here on the premises. Though the circumstances were difficult, the feeling of pride in him was most welcome as it's been all too rare of late.
It didn't stop me from drug testing him later though. As my brother says, "I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night."
__________
I feel a bit of a blog site traitor, but the other site has changed and added too many of the bells and whistles of MySpace, Facebook, et al, perhaps to remain competitive. Plus, this allows me to start again, right where I left off, with a renewed sense of [faux] privacy, while still typing online and [eventually] inviting trusted readers to stop by.
A New Home
No photos. No pseudonyms. No silly strike outs. No hiding behind humor. I already have a place for all that. This is just my tribe, and me, my thoughts, and my work, my challenges, and my therapy. Me. Welcome.
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To those of you I've invited to read, right from the beginning, know that you already have my trust.
Also, here, if you leave me a comment or question, my response to you will be here, under your comment, not on your own blogs all over the www, so please check back in, I haven't ignored you.
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