Thursday, March 19, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Reclaiming My Birthday
Someday -maybe in response to this note- I'll have to ask my brothers what their birthday memories are. (No, not the ones about their only sister neglecting to send cards. The other ones.)
I've decided that THIS year I am going to reclaim my birthdate.
Oh sure there were presents. (I'm assuming here, because none come immediately to mind) and there was certainly ALWAYS a mega caloric, mile high torte, made by Mom. Everyone was allowed to request their personal favorite on their birthday. (I do miss that part though my arse does not.)
My birthday falls on a wonderful day too -the first day of Spring. I've always thought that was worth celebrating if nothing else.
However, it was also my misfortune to have been born on March 20th. It is the anniversary of my maternal grandfather's death. He was killed during WWII when my mother was 5; she has only a few memories of him. He came home for 2 weeks before being sent to the Russian front. Apparently not many made it home from there. They said their goodbyes at the train. I know I haven't heard the details of that day for the last time yet.
But there's more. I share my birthday with my paternal grandfather too. He who left my grandmother with 5 small starving children in war torn Dresden. There's a bit of animosity towards him, even now after his death. I never met him.
So my childhood birthday memories are of cake and my mother's tears, the cause of which I wasn't privvy to until well into adulthood.
33 was a good birthday as I wondered if I would share it with D, ("last but not least") who chose his own birthday and was born 2 days later. 40 was a good birthday, filled with hope for a wonderful year. It became a terrible year. The worst ever. The year of W's accident. 50 was a good birthday. StW and my boss hosted a birthday dinner attended by the "boys" and a few friends. Again, the year was tough though -in fact it's been a bit tough the last 2 or 10 years.
But 52 is coming up. (52!) It's striking me the way that zero birthdays strike some others. (I'm a late bloomer.) There will be no more birthday tears. Birthdays belong to the living, and in our family, on March 20th, I intend that to be me.
Happy Spring!
I've decided that THIS year I am going to reclaim my birthdate.
Oh sure there were presents. (I'm assuming here, because none come immediately to mind) and there was certainly ALWAYS a mega caloric, mile high torte, made by Mom. Everyone was allowed to request their personal favorite on their birthday. (I do miss that part though my arse does not.)
My birthday falls on a wonderful day too -the first day of Spring. I've always thought that was worth celebrating if nothing else.
However, it was also my misfortune to have been born on March 20th. It is the anniversary of my maternal grandfather's death. He was killed during WWII when my mother was 5; she has only a few memories of him. He came home for 2 weeks before being sent to the Russian front. Apparently not many made it home from there. They said their goodbyes at the train. I know I haven't heard the details of that day for the last time yet.
But there's more. I share my birthday with my paternal grandfather too. He who left my grandmother with 5 small starving children in war torn Dresden. There's a bit of animosity towards him, even now after his death. I never met him.
So my childhood birthday memories are of cake and my mother's tears, the cause of which I wasn't privvy to until well into adulthood.
33 was a good birthday as I wondered if I would share it with D, ("last but not least") who chose his own birthday and was born 2 days later. 40 was a good birthday, filled with hope for a wonderful year. It became a terrible year. The worst ever. The year of W's accident. 50 was a good birthday. StW and my boss hosted a birthday dinner attended by the "boys" and a few friends. Again, the year was tough though -in fact it's been a bit tough the last 2 or 10 years.
But 52 is coming up. (52!) It's striking me the way that zero birthdays strike some others. (I'm a late bloomer.) There will be no more birthday tears. Birthdays belong to the living, and in our family, on March 20th, I intend that to be me.
Happy Spring!
Cut and pasted from facebook....maybe someday I'll fill in some details here.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A More Positive Outlook
It was an interesting week here at the homestead. A mix of good stuff and challenges, but today I will focus on the good stuff....for a change.
StW decided we would afford a new housekeeper, as I am too decrepit (bending and lifting put me horizontal for days, God forbid weeks) and he is not inclined. Because the house is huge and a GOOD cleaning well overdue, the new housekeeper decided to begin with Spring Cleaning. (BTW, StW found her in the local paper, his interest piqued by "German housekeepers.") After a few conversations on the phone and an assessment visit to the house (I wasn't here) she scheduled this cleaning for yesterday and arrived with 5 other women. I have never seen such cleaning going on. Most remarkably changed is StW's basement office, which I NEVER cleaned, nor apparently did he. It's UNBELIEVABLY awesomely spotless! (I gave consent for them to throw out EVERYTHING at their discretion, and made StW (the hoarder) promise not to open trash bags. They filled industrial sized trash bags....many of them. They refiled all his blueprints and paperwork and, honestly, I suspect most of the crap from his desks and floors are in those bags but whatever. =)
The kitchen was oohed and aahed over and then cleaned from the open rafters down to the slate floors. The pot rack above the cooktop has bugged me for quite awhile (grease covered with dust) but I am so afraid of falling that I wouldn't climb up there. All the wood floors were Murphy's Oiled on hands and knees which is how I was also taught was the only way to get floors really clean, but thinking of me doing that anymore is laughable. They do windows too. The only thing they don't do it laundry, which I prefer to do myself anyway.
Sitting here looking around at my once again spotless home makes me VERY happy, and it seems that my happiness makes StW happy. Funny the things that can make one happy, isn't it?
D had a better week this week, with only a few set backs. The SSI assessment did not go well (depending on one's POV) but that's another story for another day. Three day weekends are awesome, regardless the odious things one must do to get one.
The biggest surprise is that StW intends to go to Europe this summer. He will not go without me because "it's not fun without you." I have no idea where his money tree is, and he refuses to tell me. I told him I could use some of his stash for bills, he said, "you find the cash for D's legal bills as you chose to accept that responsibility. I'll find the cash for vacation." He seems to have this urgency about travel, especially to architecturally significant places because he's already lived 10 more years than he ever thought he would. (I assured him only the good die young.)
Anyway, both our 401K's are in the crapper. I didn't have much to start with so am not feeling the loss as much as he is and to think about taking any out before it might right itself is unbelievable to me but maybe he won't do that. Knock wood, he has been very busy with work this year, and last, so maybe he's been planning ahead. The push that makes it a sure thing is that Bossfroc is behind him and told me to "JUST GO, you really need to get away and have some fun, some down time, some no D time, some couple time. You deserve it, your husband deserves it, take 2 weeks and go."
So, I thought Prague would be next on his Bucket list, but as it turns out it isn't, so first he explored the British Isles, but then he moved on to Barcelona and Provence. With all the Gaudi architecture in Barcelona I understood right away. Check out Sagrada Familia on wikipedia. Begun in the late 1800's, completion not due until 2026. Generations of builders, craftsmen, engineers and architects. I can't wait. Then a train trip to Provence, along the Mediterranean. My only concern being the heat in that part of the world -in July. So, that's what we're looking at for now, but as planning of our last big European adventure changed a few times until it was perfect, this one will evolve a bit too. Especially if I choose to provide input. I'm more inclined towards northern France, Normandy and Mont St Michel, but we'll see. It's an awfully far distance from Barcelona.
Group has been awesome with a new member who is both divisive for some group members but somehow his presence has allowed me to find my voice. My angry voice, always hidden. The next weeks should be very interesting.
StW decided we would afford a new housekeeper, as I am too decrepit (bending and lifting put me horizontal for days, God forbid weeks) and he is not inclined. Because the house is huge and a GOOD cleaning well overdue, the new housekeeper decided to begin with Spring Cleaning. (BTW, StW found her in the local paper, his interest piqued by "German housekeepers.") After a few conversations on the phone and an assessment visit to the house (I wasn't here) she scheduled this cleaning for yesterday and arrived with 5 other women. I have never seen such cleaning going on. Most remarkably changed is StW's basement office, which I NEVER cleaned, nor apparently did he. It's UNBELIEVABLY awesomely spotless! (I gave consent for them to throw out EVERYTHING at their discretion, and made StW (the hoarder) promise not to open trash bags. They filled industrial sized trash bags....many of them. They refiled all his blueprints and paperwork and, honestly, I suspect most of the crap from his desks and floors are in those bags but whatever. =)
The kitchen was oohed and aahed over and then cleaned from the open rafters down to the slate floors. The pot rack above the cooktop has bugged me for quite awhile (grease covered with dust) but I am so afraid of falling that I wouldn't climb up there. All the wood floors were Murphy's Oiled on hands and knees which is how I was also taught was the only way to get floors really clean, but thinking of me doing that anymore is laughable. They do windows too. The only thing they don't do it laundry, which I prefer to do myself anyway.
Sitting here looking around at my once again spotless home makes me VERY happy, and it seems that my happiness makes StW happy. Funny the things that can make one happy, isn't it?
D had a better week this week, with only a few set backs. The SSI assessment did not go well (depending on one's POV) but that's another story for another day. Three day weekends are awesome, regardless the odious things one must do to get one.
The biggest surprise is that StW intends to go to Europe this summer. He will not go without me because "it's not fun without you." I have no idea where his money tree is, and he refuses to tell me. I told him I could use some of his stash for bills, he said, "you find the cash for D's legal bills as you chose to accept that responsibility. I'll find the cash for vacation." He seems to have this urgency about travel, especially to architecturally significant places because he's already lived 10 more years than he ever thought he would. (I assured him only the good die young.)
Anyway, both our 401K's are in the crapper. I didn't have much to start with so am not feeling the loss as much as he is and to think about taking any out before it might right itself is unbelievable to me but maybe he won't do that. Knock wood, he has been very busy with work this year, and last, so maybe he's been planning ahead. The push that makes it a sure thing is that Bossfroc is behind him and told me to "JUST GO, you really need to get away and have some fun, some down time, some no D time, some couple time. You deserve it, your husband deserves it, take 2 weeks and go."
So, I thought Prague would be next on his Bucket list, but as it turns out it isn't, so first he explored the British Isles, but then he moved on to Barcelona and Provence. With all the Gaudi architecture in Barcelona I understood right away. Check out Sagrada Familia on wikipedia. Begun in the late 1800's, completion not due until 2026. Generations of builders, craftsmen, engineers and architects. I can't wait. Then a train trip to Provence, along the Mediterranean. My only concern being the heat in that part of the world -in July. So, that's what we're looking at for now, but as planning of our last big European adventure changed a few times until it was perfect, this one will evolve a bit too. Especially if I choose to provide input. I'm more inclined towards northern France, Normandy and Mont St Michel, but we'll see. It's an awfully far distance from Barcelona.
Group has been awesome with a new member who is both divisive for some group members but somehow his presence has allowed me to find my voice. My angry voice, always hidden. The next weeks should be very interesting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The rain is making a huge racket on the skylights and there is now thunder adding to the atmosphere. The fireplace does stink of wet soot now though, so having vented and kept to my goal of blogging more often, I am going to hit the shower, then throw in some laundry and then veg out with coffee and Kindle2. I am reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Not a single thing to even attempt to clean this weekend!
This morning life is good and I deserve it. (That was hard to say, harder to feel, but I'm working on it.) It is true though. I don't claim to have the life of Job, but there have certainly been, and continue to be, MANY trials and tribulations and I deserve some good stuff too.
This morning life is good and I deserve it. (That was hard to say, harder to feel, but I'm working on it.) It is true though. I don't claim to have the life of Job, but there have certainly been, and continue to be, MANY trials and tribulations and I deserve some good stuff too.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Marriage Takes Biggest Hit
D doesn't care. D doesn't work. D sleeps all day. I could go on and on, but this one isn't about him.
This one (will be) about the toll all this is taking on my marriage. StW hasn't ever had kids of his own. Maybe it isn't fair starting out with kids like mine. Life's not fair.
This isn't the first time we've *debated* over the kid, but I notice the sound is changing. StW would like to retire in the not too distant future. Retirement, in the past, didn't take into account what the economy has done to his savings, nor a problem man-child with mounting legal bills, huge medical bills, no job, no driver's license, lots of attitude.
I'm going to try for some more sleep before work in the morning. I'm glad it's MHW though.
G'night.
This one (will be) about the toll all this is taking on my marriage. StW hasn't ever had kids of his own. Maybe it isn't fair starting out with kids like mine. Life's not fair.
This isn't the first time we've *debated* over the kid, but I notice the sound is changing. StW would like to retire in the not too distant future. Retirement, in the past, didn't take into account what the economy has done to his savings, nor a problem man-child with mounting legal bills, huge medical bills, no job, no driver's license, lots of attitude.
I'm going to try for some more sleep before work in the morning. I'm glad it's MHW though.
G'night.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Because You Can't Make This Stuff Up
I was going to blog about hell week, and maybe I still will, at least the highlights of three court dates, after all, that must surely be a record. For mothers, not lawyers.
But for now I'll just share a bit of Friday's adventure.
After 2 1/2 hours in Court, waiting for his turn, J's year old case was finally dismissed as he'd completed all the requirements. We got to watch DOZENS of cases. O M G ! Anyway, I'm not sure where he learned this, but J knows how to dress well, and looked better than some of the attorneys -the only other well dressed people in the Courtroom.
I digress, as usual, because that had nothing to do with this tale.
FINALLY it was over. We walked through the Courthouse halls towards Security, on our way back to the parking garage. Just as we neared the Security check point, someone looking remarkably like D was just passing through. He looked like he does most every day, complete with eye makeup. Certainly not his Court clothes from Tuesday. With him, having her purse rifled through by a guard, was someone who looked exactly like his on again, off again GF. We all met eyes at the same time.
"Hey."
"Hi. What are you guys doing here?"
"We're here to get a marriage license."
"Really. Where are you going to live?"
"Well, we're not getting married yet. Just getting the license."
"Oh. Okay."
By then GF joined us.
"Hi. Whatcha guys doing here?
"We're picking something up for my Dad. He's a lawyer."
"Hm. So which one of you is lying?"
GF, as she's dragging him away whispers, "what did you tell her?!"
J was waiting outside, uninterested either way. He's done. D has some Courthouse visits left to look forward to.
G'night.
But for now I'll just share a bit of Friday's adventure.
After 2 1/2 hours in Court, waiting for his turn, J's year old case was finally dismissed as he'd completed all the requirements. We got to watch DOZENS of cases. O M G ! Anyway, I'm not sure where he learned this, but J knows how to dress well, and looked better than some of the attorneys -the only other well dressed people in the Courtroom.
I digress, as usual, because that had nothing to do with this tale.
FINALLY it was over. We walked through the Courthouse halls towards Security, on our way back to the parking garage. Just as we neared the Security check point, someone looking remarkably like D was just passing through. He looked like he does most every day, complete with eye makeup. Certainly not his Court clothes from Tuesday. With him, having her purse rifled through by a guard, was someone who looked exactly like his on again, off again GF. We all met eyes at the same time.
"Hey."
"Hi. What are you guys doing here?"
"We're here to get a marriage license."
"Really. Where are you going to live?"
"Well, we're not getting married yet. Just getting the license."
"Oh. Okay."
By then GF joined us.
"Hi. Whatcha guys doing here?
"We're picking something up for my Dad. He's a lawyer."
"Hm. So which one of you is lying?"
GF, as she's dragging him away whispers, "what did you tell her?!"
J was waiting outside, uninterested either way. He's done. D has some Courthouse visits left to look forward to.
G'night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GF was truthful. Son really knows how to yank my chain. It just didn't happen to work this time.
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