Thank you for all your birthday wishes. I can't believe you guys are checking in already. Jay and Sum sent text messages before I even woke up!
We had cake for dessert last night. Mom baked a torte and here's how she justified serving it last night instead of tonight, "well, you were born at 1:10 AM in Germany and they are 6 hours ahead of us, so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
She also makes the best lasagna, which surprised me because she didn't cook Italian food when we were growing up, it's a skill she picked up during the second set of kids. Also, who makes bad lasagna? Every box of pasta has a recipe, yet hers was different and delicious.
The rest of the evening was bittersweet. There was an awkward moment when Dad asked, J, "what's your name again?" He knew who he was though, his name just escaped him a moment.
I'm very sad to note that there are noticeable mental status changes since I was here last month, and also the toll it's taking on my mother. "Chris, you're a nurse, you UNDERSTAND Alzheimer's. I just can't understand." This is then followed by a list of inconsistent behaviors and transgressions, and blame and guilt.
I do feel like I'm walking a very fine line here. I do understand. And because I have the sweet Dad at the moment, the one who counted the days until my visit, the one who brought me books and photos and perfume and things all evening, "these are yours to keep," the one who kissed me good night last night, it's difficult not to "side" with him, not to be protective. Yet it is so obvious this is my Mom's last straw in a difficult life and she's not coping well. She needs the support too.
Time to spend quality time, more later....
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4 comments:
Happy Birthday, Wissh!
You seem to be doing an excellent job of walking the very fine line. How special to have your birthday on the first day of Spring!
Years ago, we were friends with an elderly couple, the wife was German, and she once baked a torte for us. It was wonderful. She also used to get care packages from Germany with Milka chocolates that she would always share with us. Milka is very special to me now, as I remember them. For years, you couldn't buy it in the U.S., ( I bought some on eBay from Germany a few years ago) but it is now available in the U.S. at specialty stores like World Market.
Happy Birthday and Happy Spring. Keep walking that fine line. Your mom could benefit from a dementia support group. Maybe you can track one down while you are there. Also, there are so many books now to help people understand and care for someone with dementia. This is one of the oldest, and still probably the best: http://snipurl.com/22b6q [www_amazon_com]
I am so glad you had a nice birthday, and that you are having a good visit. I know how you feel about your mom and dad, and how she is reacting to things... I went through it myself... to the point I though mom was losing her mind. And I guess she did, temporarily... Just continue to give them both as much love as you can, and in the end it will work... reasoning qwith mom was not helpful to me, though... just made me frustrated! LOL Hope your trip home was uneventful... (((hugs)))
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