Testing the Waters

I closed my Xanga account. It's been archived and downloaded and will be saved onto my backup drive. I doubt I'll ever read through 6 years of blogging, it didn't seem like my life was all that interesting while I was living it. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea, as my brain isn't capable of remembering much these days. Then too, maybe one day Justin might want to read it. Someone did actually read my Xanga from beginning to end recently. (I should ask her what happened in my life.) She, a lifelong journaler, suggested I go back and fill in memories. I've decided to do that. I would have loved to read such a thing had my mother or grandmother, or wow, imagine my great grandmother, had kept such a journal.

Xanga was a comfortable place, sort of like AOL. Easy. User friendly. And I made some friends there. I tried using Blogspot before -it's been almost two years since my last entry?!- but it didn't feel like home. Now nothing feels like home anyway and I'm just going to try to write.

It's been a particularly brutal winter, lots of snow and cold. Not that I can feel the cold much. I'm thinking there's something wrong with my body thermostat. I like Winter and miss only the green of Summer.

Life, too, has been brutal. Every. Single. Day. I notice that I have posted less about my moods, feelings, anxiety on Facebook lately. Like I'm protecting the readers from my ongoing Grief. I'm pretty sure that all but those who have lost* a child must think I should have reached the statute of limitations by now. Grieve in silence, we're tired of hearing about it, we don't know what else to say to you. Move on.

*The Compassionate Friends and I agree that we do not like the expression "lost a child." We did not lose our children. Our children died.

Dylan Keith
March 22, 1990 - October 4, 2010
RIP