Reclaiming My Birthday

Someday -maybe in response to this note- I'll have to ask my brothers what their birthday memories are. (No, not the ones about their only sister neglecting to send cards. The other ones.)

I've decided that THIS year I am going to reclaim my birthdate.

Oh sure there were presents. (I'm assuming here, because none come immediately to mind) and there was certainly ALWAYS a mega caloric, mile high torte, made by Mom. Everyone was allowed to request their personal favorite on their birthday. (I do miss that part though my arse does not.)

My birthday falls on a wonderful day too -the first day of Spring. I've always thought that was worth celebrating if nothing else.

However, it was also my misfortune to have been born on March 20th. It is the anniversary of my maternal grandfather's death. He was killed during WWII when my mother was 5; she has only a few memories of him. He came home for 2 weeks before being sent to the Russian front. Apparently not many made it home from there. They said their goodbyes at the train. I know I haven't heard the details of that day for the last time yet.

But there's more. I share my birthday with my paternal grandfather too. He who left my grandmother with 5 small starving children in war torn Dresden. There's a bit of animosity towards him, even now after his death. I never met him.

So my childhood birthday memories are of cake and my mother's tears, the cause of which I wasn't privvy to until well into adulthood.

33 was a good birthday as I wondered if I would share it with D, ("last but not least") who chose his own birthday and was born 2 days later. 40 was a good birthday, filled with hope for a wonderful year. It became a terrible year. The worst ever. The year of W's accident. 50 was a good birthday. StW and my boss hosted a birthday dinner attended by the "boys" and a few friends. Again, the year was tough though -in fact it's been a bit tough the last 2 or 10 years.

But 52 is coming up. (52!) It's striking me the way that zero birthdays strike some others. (I'm a late bloomer.) There will be no more birthday tears. Birthdays belong to the living, and in our family, on March 20th, I intend that to be me.

Happy Spring!

Cut and pasted from facebook....maybe someday I'll fill in some details here.