Sadness

I've found that for the most part, when people ask, "how are you?" they really just want a, "fine, thank you and you?"

The exception is when it's someone who really cares about you. Not only do they know your "I'm okay, thanks" is bullshit, they get hurt and/or pissed when you answer that way. They feel blown off, lied to.

Still, I find myself doing it almost every day. Today I was called on my answer. So I added, "well, I'm taking enough meds to be okay, and wouldn't be okay without them." Apparently that wasn't a good answer either, as Bossfroc stepped out of her office into mine for a more intimate chat.

"I know it's been a terrible time for you. It will get better."

"Yeah, I know. When?"

"When you've set limits you can live with or when there's a crisis."

Yup. I already knew those answers.

"I miss the twinkle in your eyes," she said. Oh good something to feel guilty about. But yes, there hasn't been much smiling, let alone laughing going on.

Depression and anxiety. Therapy and meds. The good thing is they do leave me thankfully flat or I wouldn't be able to deal with the elephant in the room. The bad thing is they leave me flat.

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This afternoon D came up from the city and went to a doctor's appointment. By himself. On time. My only input was responding to his text asking what time the appointment was.
Baby steps are still steps, right?