Yesterday I texted my therapist: Remind me again (and again and again) why I cannot become my parents' caregiver, please.
I spoke with my brother. He has promised to come over while I am there this time. I'm afraid his agenda is a bit different though. He still has so much anger. Maybe he'll always have it. I think I have convinced him that Dad's issues really are medical, he's known about the Diabetes and seems to be accepting the Alzheimer's diagnosis, so he's transferred his anger more towards Mom. I think he's intrigued by the closure I was able to attain during my last visit and would probably like that for himself too, and I hope he can get it, but he doesn't realize the work it took for me to get to that point.
I've decided to start a Parental Notebook as I'm not the most organized person in the world either.
Thus far I've
- spoken to Dad's travel agent and practically had to threaten her before she agreed she would book no more solo flights for him to Germany. The compromise was that she would call the family if he tried to do so.
- spoken to MAD's (Mom and Dad) attorney, LIFELONG attorney, who I took an immediate disliking to on the telephone.
- bought a glucometer and taught at least Mom how to take Dad's blood glucose and document them for our visit to the doctor. Based on the readings so far, he will need to go on insulin. I have no idea how (or by whom) that is going to be managed.
To continue...
My dad didn't know what Alzheimer's was. I fear I have missed the boat talking "reason" to him, with regard to finances and POA. I noticed he listens intently and responds as though he understands, but he cannot follow through. High level functioning seems to have gone before I got to see him. His lame [ass] attorney told me he didn't need a letter from his doctor (I offered to get one to prove his diagnosis) but that he would instead have an "aging" discussion with both my parents, and have them, essentially, give each other POA. Even though Mom's would be filed and not used she balked. (OMG, what if she's nuts too?)
To add to the whole mess, none of US (their children) know anything about their finances as that has never been any of our business (nor my mother's either for that matter) and I cannot imagine that changing during any possible discussions next month. Still, my brother and I are going to give it a shot, under the guise of helping them BOTH plan for their old age. I'm not real hopeful, not because of my normal cynicism, but because I truly do think my Dad will be unable to grasp what we're saying. If Mom and I have to go to the attorney's (just so I can sock him in the mouth) I'm prepared to do that too. I must make the most of my 4 days there after all.
__________
Oscars tonight.
13 comments:
You had to threaten the travel agent not to book an overseas trip (solo) for a person with Alzhiemer's? You're joking right? What a butthole!
Not joking. I'm assuming the travel agent business ain't what it used to be. Aside from my parents, I don't even know anyone who doesn't book their own travel online these days. My guess is it's just the aging, not computer literate population. He's been a great customer to that Agency for years, I'm sure they don't want to lose him. But I'm equally sure they don't want a lawsuit and while I am anything but litigious, I mean business. Isn't therapy grand?!
Tis Fubard, just I don't feel so F'd up anymore..:)
Nice place here, if I could find my way around.
Here, you can be anyone you want to be. F'up may have been your old life, I haven't known you that way. You've come a long way baby, as they say.
You'll find your way around soon. I have spent hours learning it today myself, but most of that has been rearranging the furnishings.
Welcome.
Success! After signing up in 17 different places, I can now leave a comment. I wish I had something to say.
Everything you're facing with your father and Alzheimer's are things we're facing with my father. I dread the next time we go home, which has to be this summer.
This will definitely help keep things separate.
*sparkle
Hi,
Just to let you know I've followed you over here, thanks for the invite I always follow your blog with interest.
Alzheimer's is an awful thing I know someone who has it at the moment, he still has some long term memory but can forget things within minutes or hours including relatives. I feel for you.
MikeUK
SM, in some ways I envy you your distance. I know it's no easier for you, but you have a sister and brother (for what they're worth) who are at least physically closer to them...one would assume they'll have to take charge before you're called upon. For some "odd" reason, all of a sudden, I find myself making monthly trips and fighting feelings of guilt for not doing more. Yet.
PS, thanks for the effort. 17 different places?! Wow!
Thanks, Sparkle. I agree, and really, unlike your photos, who needs more of mine? Was your last photo a lucky bamboo covered in ice?
Mike, thank you for your comment and following me over. I still miss your blog and remember reading it with great anticipation of photos and stories of family, chickens, home additions, floods and flooring and of course your gorgeous yards and neighbors' lands and scenery.
I hope you and your family are all well.
What?!?!?! Solitaryman is still around?!?!?!? This is just like old times!!!!!
Dealing with the aging parents and all the related issues is something I haven't had to do quite yet, but I know it's not far off for me. I watched my own parents do it, and it's obviously a difficult thing. I have absolutely no idea what to say, other than that I care.
And, of course, I think you're freakin' awesome...
Well, I think you're freaking awesome too. And, yeah, isn't it cool that solitaryman is here? It's kind of like I missed him.
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